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First day admitting I’m a compulsive liar

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First day admitting I’m a compulsive liar

Postby LyingBiker » Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am

Hello everyone,

I am finally admitting that I can not stop lying and it is and in all likelihood end the relationship I’m currently in. I know I love this man and yet I have lied repeatedly to him about significant things to cover up my poor actions- ex. Texting a guy and then deleting the texts and lying about, we started talking again after a 6 month break (during which time I dated another guy and was physical with him) and chatted and met with another guy and he asked me point blank if I had been with anyone and he said it was ok if I had been; that he’d understand....and I couldn’t admit it to him. I lied even though I didn’t have to. I am unable to be honest when confronted and will defend my lie. Last night this all came to a boiling point and I kept lying but slowly over the course of 10 hours admitted to this. I am pretty sure things are over between us and I want to change this pattern. I lost an amazing relationship because I couldn’t be honest with someone I love and I did it repeatedly. I don’t want to hurt anyone the way I hurt him ever again. I think I lie to protect myself, to not be found to be flawed, because I have low self esteem and I lie then it require another lie and then I’m in over my head. I want and need to stop. A

What is the path forward? Advice on successful tactics?
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Re: First day admitting I’m a compulsive liar

Postby LyingBiker » Tue Jun 11, 2019 2:33 pm

An update- I talked with my bf last night and finally have told him everything. I struggled and he had to pull the truth out of me. At one point, I even admitted to something I fishy do and now he thinks I’m even worse but since my false admission came out of my mouth, he won’t believe me if I correct myself. It was all so much I just gave up apologizing and feel like I have destroyed things so much that I’ll never be able to earn his trust back. I feel like there is no hope and that it’s irreparable but if I just tell him I can’t go through a lifetime of having all this held over me, I feel selfish. He said he would wait and work years and made me feel so #######5 for dating after we first broke up because I gave up on reaching out to him and trying to work on it but I really thought it was over and he kept saying he wanted to be alone, so I left him alone and apparently I shouldn’t have done that.

I dated but the problem was that when I had a chance to tell him that I dated during that time, I lied about it and now it’s unforgivable.

Also at the end of our relationship when it was horrible and he was despondent with depression and constantly high and refusing to take any action to address things and shut me out, we were still together but the constant arguing and rejection led to me deciding to text another man. I have now told my BF who I’m trying to work this out with and now I’ve cheated on him while he was suffering. Instead of caring about him and trying harder, I felt I couldn’t do anything else and I cheated by texting another man and covered it up and lied and just revealed that to him.

I lie to protect myself and I now see all the hurt it causes even though the intention is to prevent me hurt. My lying has messed up my life and I fear I’m a pathological liar. That I can create a story of lies to cover myself. That is a huge problem. I am overwhelmed thinking if trying to fix things with my BF. I hade hurt him so much and there is so much that’s broken between us, I digress know if it’s better to move on....that thought makes me sad but I hade inflicted so much hurt and pain upon him because of. Y lying and I can’t hurt him anymore. He doesn’t think I life him and that’s so hard to think that I’ve destroyed our life.
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Re: First day admitting I’m a compulsive liar

Postby willyg » Thu Jul 04, 2019 7:07 am

I think a good thing to do would be to look at yourself in the mirror figure out who you really are. Consider yourself like an old house with a lot of dry rot on the sides at all around. Think of all the bad things that you have done lies you've told as those pieces of dry rot. Then go in and rip all those boards off that old house. Go all the way down to the studs until you get to the point where there is only good wood left. That's the base of Who You Are. Then you can start building yourself back up with new wood, with no lies, and with a confidence of knowing who you really are and with no desire or need to lie anymore. Knowing who you are and getting yourself on a path to becoming the person that you really want to be is your confidence and helps you to know that you can get out of this mess and become that person. Just $0.02 from me from things that I have worked through in the past.
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