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My 30 day lying journal and getting honest

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Re: My 30 day lying journal and getting honest

Postby nancyb07 » Mon Jun 11, 2018 5:48 pm

This is really great, good for you for keeping accountability like this. I find I don't lie in person, my problem is the fabrication I have done online as I don't really believe I'll ever meet anyone compatible.
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Re: My 30 day lying journal and getting honest

Postby Godhelpme1 » Wed Jun 13, 2018 11:48 pm

Okay, the good, the mediocre, the bad, and fully.



told another lie yesterday and today.
Both were closer to the truth, and were really forms of vagueness.
I avoided telling my Dad when he asked where the mark that wouldn't come off my truck was.
I told him a parking garage, which was true.
What I avoided saying, or left out was, that make came from when my truck got towed by the city and they made the mark to track my truck.

I think a more radically honest statement would be:
"Yes, from when my car got towed. I am embarrassed to say that, because I asked you for money to get it out of being impounded, which cost 700-900 dollars. Maybe more, but I don't remember. I am extremely ashamed and embarrassed of this because I want to see me as a self sufficient adult that doesn't have problems with the law and I want you to trust me"


My mission is to tell my Dad in what I wrote in quotes.
This will be my first fess up.


I have more to say, but will report in later today about fessing up.
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Re: My 30 day lying journal and getting honest

Postby Godhelpme1 » Tue Jun 19, 2018 3:55 pm

Well, its been almost half a week since I logged in here.

Many lies since then.

BUT!!!! good news was I completed my mission and fessed up to a lie I told my father,
The one I wrote about in my last post!

That felt good, that was awesome and I think that is a key, major ingredient to overcoming this deal.
I might have to take on the outward identity as someone who is compulsive liar that is changing his ways to everyone. This way it makes it easier on myself as a regular thing, to fess up about lies I have told

Anyway, two big lies I told recently that I want to fess up to.
Or maybe better said, two lies that I don't want dragging me down from living my life to it's fullest potential


lie 1) Told a friend that I was near a place, when I wasn't, because I wanted to make it seem like I did have the intention of hanging out with him. I eventually ignored his call, then told him I just missed him, when that was not true.

lie 2)(THIS ONE IS A BIGGIE) I am taking a summer course at school. My parents asked me what the course was. I was being vague, told them it was an engineering course. When in actuality it is a physics course, that I am retaking because I got a D- in it for not taking the final.
There is a lot of lies connected to this lie. They also believe I am closer to graduating than I actually am. So they believe I am taking advance courses when this is actually an intro to physics course.

I am really scared to address this because I have lied about being further in school than I am many of times. Pretty much my entire life.
(Damn, repeating patterns? YES... I have a lot of work here to do)
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Re: My 30 day lying journal and getting honest

Postby NewSunRising » Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:56 am

Baby steps , GHM1 .

This is a long term process and you done the most important part - you've made the decision to change . In the coming days and months , you'll see the results of your efforts . Be strong , be mindful and be proud of making this choice .
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Re: My 30 day lying journal and getting honest

Postby Godhelpme1 » Sat Jun 23, 2018 11:42 am

NewSunRising wrote:Baby steps , GHM1 .

This is a long term process and you done the most important part - you've made the decision to change . In the coming days and months , you'll see the results of your efforts . Be strong , be mindful and be proud of making this choice .



YEE!
Yaaa!
YEAH!

I know this isn't an overnight deal.
To be honest I think this is going to be like recovery from drugs for a while.
It is going to be a daily, constant struggle for months and maybe years.
Always having to be vigilant to not relapse for the rest of my life.

I know fruits of this labor will be well worth it, if I stick to it.

-- Sat Jun 23, 2018 3:49 am --

QUICK update:

I haven't been watching my lying as much.
So I don't know what horse $#%^, chicken $#%^, or big #######4 lies that flew by me.

That being said, I am about to go through a couple of serious truth telling processes.
I am involved with 12-step communities, and I have two confessions coming up.
Both I am deeply afraid to do.
Mainly because I have lied to everyone in these communities.

Me getting honest about
1) my sobriety(I lost it 6 months ago, I had 4 years clean and sober, then relapsed, now only 6months clean and sober).
2) My work status.(I am 28 and being supported by my parents at the moment). I tell people I am a self employed online marketer. That is totally not true.


I know apart of this process will force me to have to get honest with other people, not just the people I am doing the confession to.
I know I am dead if I don't do this with them.
I am legitimately scared.

Jung says this amazing quote:
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

If I don't do this, I will be living my life as a pattern as I have been for about the last 22 years.
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Re: My 30 day lying journal and getting honest

Postby NewSunRising » Wed Jun 27, 2018 2:17 am

When you confess to a lie , do you feel any sense of relief or unburdening ? Even somewhere as anonymous as this forum ?

Changing a behavior pattern of decades is an uncomfortable process . Lying has become your "normal" . But secrets are a heavy weight to carry . They will drag us down eventually . Fear of telling the truth can often do more damage than the truth itself .


Godhelpme1 wrote:I am involved with 12-step communities, and I have two confessions coming up. Both I am deeply afraid to do.


You can do this , and once you do , you will gain a little more strength and courage . Is there someone there you trust enough to say " I have a compulsive lying disorder . I am working to change this about myself and I need your understanding and your support ." ?

It will be a very hard thing to say but I believe it would help you tremendously .
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Re: My 30 day lying journal and getting honest

Postby Godhelpme1 » Thu Jun 28, 2018 12:18 am

When you confess to a lie , do you feel any sense of relief or unburdening ? Even somewhere as anonymous as this forum ?


Not so much as the forum, but when I do it in real life.... OMG YES!
It is sorta insane how helpful it is.
I have a hard time putting it into words.
It something a like, being honest builds confidence(especially when my inclination was to lie)
Getting honest about a lie, is a psychosomatic release of tension that I was not aware I was carrying.

I got honest about something with one of these people I will be making a confession(haven't done it yet,), it was something that eats away at me, something I am deeply ashamed of.
I admitted to it and they called me out on it.

The rest of that day, I had more energy, more of a sense of freedom and much more relaxed/smooth in social situations.


Changing a behavior pattern of decades is an uncomfortable process . Lying has become your "normal" . But secrets are a heavy weight to carry . They will drag us down eventually . Fear of telling the truth can often do more damage than the truth itself .



True that.
True that.

It's funny, but I assume everyone that comes here with compulsive lying must be sitting on some nasty secrets.
What to they say in the therapeutic communities?
"We are only sick as our secrets"


.....Makes me a sick bastard.



You can do this , and once you do , you will gain a little more strength and courage . Is there someone there you trust enough to say " I have a compulsive lying disorder . I am working to change this about myself and I need your understanding and your support ." ?


Yeah and no.
I tell people I am close to.
It is helpful to a degree, but really it seems insignificant to getting honest about lies.
Getting people to understand that or me or understand the journey won't be much help.
Largely they cannot do much.
Pity won't help.
Sympathy wont help.
The actions I take only will(or the reverse is more likely if I don't really bust my ass into making this happen).

I think I am lucky in that way.
Being understood is not a giant need/wound that I seek for.
I have other childhood wounds that seek(like being wanted/admired/loved).



Plus the confession in the 12-step groups I am apart of, is not about support or understanding or even trust in another person.

Thanks for your input.

-- Wed Jun 27, 2018 4:27 pm --

Quick update.

Thoughts, reflection.

Today: I didn't socialize much so far today.
Busy studying for a test tomorrow.
So not much opportunity for lying.

INSIGHT:
I am noticing that I must be on the WAR-PATH against my lying/deceptive behavior EVERYDAY, or it too easy to go back into my old ways.


Meaning I gotta attempt to log every lie and lie I am living.
Also gotta keep track of the lies I need to fess up about.

This is an uncomfortable, scary, painful and energy draining process.
My brain/psyche/consciousness, magically pushes this mission away into the back recesses of my mind every chance it get(plus I am a busy dude, so that makes it easy to forget about this whole thing....even if my life will suck if I don't take care of my lying problem) .

THE WAR-PATH!!!!

I have been thinking about a quote from fight club lately

“We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”
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