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Don't know what to do..

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Don't know what to do..

Postby CLD1992 » Sun May 13, 2018 6:02 pm

Hey all, I've known I've been a compulsive liar for quite a while but for some reason I can't seem to stop. I'm in a relationship where truth and honesty go such a long way. We've been together 9 months and I've done a lot of lying. First it started off small then escalated to big things, game changers that made our relationship strain a lot. I've recently started to really get serious about changing and turn off this switch in my brain that tells me to lie for no reason whatsoever, to no gain. I've been going on self help pages on google and it's giving me a sense of direction, but if maybe someone out there can share their own experiences, advice or anything of the sort maybe I can get myself out of this ball of lies and unwind it. Thank you, to anyone who is reading. :D
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Re: Don't know what to do..

Postby shock_the_monkey » Sun May 13, 2018 6:11 pm

if you really want to stop lying to people, promise yourself that you'll confess every single lie that you tell to the person that you told that lie to. i recon that'll stop you dead in your tracks.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: Don't know what to do..

Postby NewSunRising » Mon May 14, 2018 2:27 am

That's a great , positive step you're taking . Getting control over an impulsive behavior takes time and effort . Don't be too discouraged if you don't manage it every single time at first . It truly is a case of practice , practice , practice .

It will help you immensely if your partner is aware of your issue . That may mean having a long and serious talk to help them understand that your impulse to lie is not a willful choice and you need their help and understanding to change this behavior . If they are on board with that :

When you do lie , try " instant confession " , similar to what Shock the Monkey suggested . Something as simple as " I just lied about that . I don't know why . " There doesn't have to be a huge , indepth discussion about it . Let your partner know that you are practicing mindfulness in the moment . Understanding will come with time .

Practice saying nothing . Let the lie play out in your mind like a story and consider what you hope to gain or avoid by telling it . Compare that to the conseqiuences of being caught in the lie . Which outcome would have a worse result ? Delaying your response to someone's question can be as simple as " I'm thinking of how to answer you " .

Keep track of the number of times you successfully deny the impulse to lie . Those times may be infrequent in the beginning , but as you see yourself progress , your confidence and your ability to control the urge to lie will grow . Celebrate those little victories whenever they happen ! They are important acheivements , gained by your own hard work and determination to change .

A good partner will help you be the best person you can be , the person you want to be . But if they don't know you need their support and you keep your problem a secret , it's very much harder .

Lastly - know that you are a good person . This is not something you are doing to others , it is something that is happening to you . The action you are taking to change this behavior speaks volumes about the kind of person you are .
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Re: Don't know what to do..

Postby willyg » Fri Jul 05, 2019 7:08 am

Another thought I have mentioned in another post is that when I was young, I used to stutter a lot, and to help this, I tried to slow down my speaking to try and get the words right. Later in life, trying to deal with my lying, I used a similar thing, slowing down my speaking, examining my words before they got out, to make sure they were true. This seemed to help me. Maybe it will help you too.
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