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Stealing

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Stealing

Postby MindOnAir » Tue Jan 23, 2018 7:07 am

I stole again today and I just lied about it. I feel horrible. I hate them so much. I have told them to back away many times but they never listen. Don't do the things that make me hate you please. I am trying to get better everyday. I'm doing it all by myself. Can't you see? Don't you trust me? Why do you always feel the need to help me? You will never understand me anyway. Please back off. I don't want to have to hurt you anymore.

Tonight is going to be another sleepless night. I will be paranoid all night and it's all your fault. I won't be able to sleep until morning. Then you will probably think I slept all day again. Then the delusions will come back and I have to be the one to deal with it all. Something bad will happen tommorow, but I am ready to die. Are you? I can't live like this anymore.

-- Mon Jan 22, 2018 11:12 pm --

Trying to cheer myself up, before the guilt I face tommorrow.
Dx: Avpd, Paranoid Personality, Erotomania (but not delusional disorder)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Medication: escitalopram 10 mg
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ability to like or love someone is a gift I can never have.
MindOnAir
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:30 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 22, 2019 3:52 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


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Re: Stealing

Postby MindOnAir » Tue Jan 23, 2018 7:21 am

Dear God,

Please help me sleep tonight. I'm sorry for what I did today. I know they love me, but it is very overwhelming. I don't want to cry and have a headache tomorrow. If you give me guilt tommorow, please help me. No crying, no anger tommorow. I don't want myself or anyone else to get hurt.
Dx: Avpd, Paranoid Personality, Erotomania (but not delusional disorder)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Medication: escitalopram 10 mg
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ability to like or love someone is a gift I can never have.
MindOnAir
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:30 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 22, 2019 3:52 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stealing

Postby MindOnAir » Wed Jan 24, 2018 3:08 am

People pleasing mode today. Ugh. This is intentional though, which means less paranoia.
Dx: Avpd, Paranoid Personality, Erotomania (but not delusional disorder)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Medication: escitalopram 10 mg
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ability to like or love someone is a gift I can never have.
MindOnAir
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:30 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 22, 2019 3:52 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


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