Our partner

Should I Or Should I Not?

Compulsive Lying message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: NewSunRising

Should I Or Should I Not?

Postby SadButSoTrue » Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:40 pm

I wasn't quite sure exactly which topic heading to post this under because the "big picture" falls under many categories such as possible NPD, DPD, BPD and a few others.

However, the present issue at hand is this.
About 1.5 years ago I got out of an absolutely crazy 8.5 year nightmare of a relationship with a woman who has many issues as a result of being 3rd generation Foster Care, sexually abused as a child, physically abused in Foster Care and an Adoptive home, and also multiple abandonments.

Then as an adult she had 5 of her 8 children permanently apprehended by CPS, and 2 of the remaining 3 forced adoption rather than being apprehended.

Anyway, as a result she struggles on a daily basis with many barriers and psychological problems that adversely impact her as well as those who are/have been in her life.

Over the years one of the biggest issues I've had difficulty accepting with her is her compulsive-habitual ...almost pathological lying which many times was/is done with malice.

A few instances of how serious the lying is are as follows:

1) She once contacted the Ontario Provincial Police and falsely reported that a man had raped her which led to him being arrested and charged.
And this transpired AFTER she had consensual sex with him.
She has by the way, already admitted the preceding as being true and has stated such both to me and a past Psychologist.

2) She physically assaulted me and injured me Christmas Day 2008 and then told numerous people including my past co-workers, members of her extended family and a Social Worker that I assaulted her.
This lie she has also admitted to....on a consensual video taped discussion between her and I.

3) She has posted on Public Social Media Websites that I was spreading STDs around when I've never even had any STDs.

4) She wrote to my (at the time) 12 year old son telling him that when he was younger I taught him to hate his mother when I did nothing of the sort.

5) In April of 2010 she created a Fake Facebook Profile to impersonate me.
She wrote paragraphs and paragraphs of untrue information in the context that I was the one writing it and then sent the link of the Fake Profile to an unknown number of people....some of which were many people on MY Facebook Friends List.

With regards to the preceding, the fake Profile stayed active for over 2 years and then in July 2012 when the RCMP found out what she had done she was close to being arrested for criminal harassment.

6) For a period of almost 4 months she deliberately lied to me and deceived me and friends about being on birth control when she wasn't which led to her becoming pregnant.

The deception included a complete fabrication of a Doctors Appointment to receive a Depo Provera Birth Control Injection, pretending to go to see the Doctor to get the injection, and then later in the day laying on the couch complaining her hip was hurting because of getting the shot earlier that day.

7) On January 1st, 2016 she again assaulted me and this time she was arrested and charged the following day.

However, because of the fact in Mid-February the RCMP dropped the charges against her the day she went to be finger-printed and photographed, it gave her the "opportunity" to lie to people saying I was the Perpetrator.....and of which she has done...including to a CPS Social Worker in order to "assist" her with successfully "cutting me out" of an 8 year old boy's life whom I have been fathering since the day he was born in 2009.

I could go on and on but I think I've given the general idea just how bad it was/is.

Back to what I am wondering.

I live in a fairly small city that I was born and raised in.
Through the years of associating with her she has done incredible amounts of lying (and I do mean INCREDIBLE amounts) about me which did/has done all kinds of damage to my life....some of the damage I already know is irreparable.

As a result I have been basically ostracized by friends, acquaintances, past co-workers, members of her extended family and to an extend even a few members of my extended family.

Because soon after her and I met in 2007 I saw this issue of lying repeating itself time and time again I began retaining material related to all her wantons etc.

I have an overwhelming amount of irrefutable evidence such as webcam video recordings, computer screen captures of material written by her, hand-written notes by her, audio clips from telephone answering machine messages that she left and so on that would help people to see what she has done.

My question is: do I release it to all those who were told all the lies to try and...for lack of better words "clear my name" or do I do nothing and accept the consequences of her behaviour?

I have to be honest about the matter even though it's hard for me to admit being a guy....she scares me...a lot.
The reason is because I'm well aware as to just what lengths she will go to and what she will do to harm me and I am worried if I do release everything I will face even more vindictive "backlash" from her.

Lest we forget she is a convincing enough liar that she got the OPP to arrest and charge a guy for raping her based ONLY on her saying he did.

History has dictated she may well do such because she is also very spiteful and a number of times she has already "retaliated" when I've tried to do some "damage control" of problems she's created.

On her Facebook Profile page where one describes what kind of person they are she has written, "I am loyal and friendly but if you F*** with me or my family I can be one hell of a bad ass B**ch"

Also I'm unsure if the following is true because I have no expertise in the field, but my older sister who is a professional in the area of working with people who have communication disorders and "questionable" behaviours attributed to such believes the woman I've been discussing is a Sociopath and she's believed such since Mid 2009.

I have many times seen behaviour from her that often left me wondering the same.
Things such as she smirks or smiles when she hurts someone (physically or emotionally) or becomes aware that she has hurt someone.

Also a definite lack of sincerity and/or depth of conviction in the tone of her voice if she is apologising about something.

Any feedback regarding my dilemma would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 7:38 pm
Local time: Tue Feb 19, 2019 9:18 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)


Re: Should I Or Should I Not?

Postby NewSunRising » Tue Jun 20, 2017 4:04 pm

I believe the best thing you can do is put as much distance between you and this person as you possibly can .

No matter what her actual problem is , you will never "win" in any sense of the word against someone like this and any attempt to do so will make you a target all over again .

Forget about any "revenge" and just be glad you got out . There is a better life out there for you .
User avatar
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
Posts: 3799
Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 12:44 am
Local time: Wed Feb 20, 2019 5:18 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Should I Or Should I Not?

Postby SadButSoTrue » Tue Jun 20, 2017 10:36 pm

Thanks for the feedback NSR.

I tend to agree with your mention of distancing myself from her and that I may well again become her "target".....history has certainly repeatedly dictated such anyway.

My thoughts of maybe "outing" her were not to be used as a measure of "winning" with her or for any kind of revenge.

There is no "winning" with someone like her except to not feed her fire.

I may have come across in that manner with my post but what I was possibly hoping to achieve is for some of the people who were "brainwashed" and misled by her deceitfulness and dishonesty to see it wasn't all she cut it out to be.

One example of my....for lack of better words...."strong urge" to do this is with my son who's 21 years old.

I had been struggling over the last year as to why he became distant from me fairly abruptly.

Never heard from him last Christmas which was extremely unusual, the "hi Dad, how's it going" phone calls stopped, not very receptive to any of my Facebook Text messages, and now for the first time in 21 years not a word from him this last Sunday which was Father's Day.

What I believe the problem to be is about 3 weeks ago he sent me screen captures of Facebook messages she had sent him in April 2016 which was about 4 months after I left her.

The messages she wrote my son are filled with numerous untrue statements with reference to me as well as false statements with reference to his mother which are emotionally harmful.

The biggest untruth, and of which I believe is responsible for my son's abrupt "disappearing act" is:
she wrote that since her and I parted ways I had contacted Child Protection Services about her 3 times....when I have done nothing of the sort.

Through the years I've known her she frequently turned (turns) her mere assumptions about something into being facts by either telling people or writing them....not what she "thought" is true or what "might be/could be true", but IT IS TRUE.
And as a result she repeatedly slandered/libeled people.

I have attempted to talk with my son twice since I received copies of the messages she wrote to him but he doesn't respond.

Not quite sure what to do on that one.....maybe time will tell.

I am just a little concerned that if he had those messages for over a year and nothing was said by me because I didn't know he received them, what she wrote may well have somewhat "taken root" in his mind as being true.
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 7:38 pm
Local time: Tue Feb 19, 2019 9:18 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Return to Compulsive Lying Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests