Can't Find Doctor Qualified Enough to Handle This

I am once again having problems with my father. He's had multiple TBIs over the years that have caused cognitive impairment. He is 71 years old.

The problem is that he violated numerous property zoning laws many years ago (the outside looked like a junkyard of a hoarder), was given extra time to clean it up because he's disabled, but could not get it cleaned. The county came in and cleaned it. The following year he junked up the property again and the following year the county came in again and cleaned it.

I know the county broke their own rules and gave him extra time to clean it. It's unclear if they broke any rules in their favor. I used to believe what my dad told me about the law (he believes he did nothing wrong) until I started helping him with this situation. It was then that I believe he was in the wrong. It appears that one inspector even did him a favor by allowing him to keep things behind a fence that he actually wasn't allowed to have, I'm not really sure. My dad was able to get a lawyer to help him bring a lawsuit against the county, but my father screwed it up by not listening to that lawyer. We believe the lawyer "stabbed him in the back" by cohorting with the county to clean up the property for a third time. It appears that the third time was done in a completely illegal fashion. However, as far as we know, they have never charged him for cleaning the property and they typically do charge people over $10,000 each time depending on how long it takes.

Having said that, my father cannot let this go. He thinks they stole over $100,000 worth of materials from him. He thinks what they did was illegal. He is a hoarder. He had that crap outside for years and never did anything with it. He kept saying he had plans, maybe he did, but he was never capable of doing anything with it.

He keeps trying to find someone, anyone to help him get his justice. He cannot find a lawyer to take his case. He's contacted numerous politicians with no luck. Now he wants to contact TV personalities like Oprah. He thinks they will help him. If they help him get his justice, I'd be shocked. They might help him go off the deep end or help him into a mental hospital.

I'm worried because he's recently become extrememly upset and angry about this issue despite it being "over" for several years now. To him, it's like it all happened just yesterday.

He's seen numerous psychiatrists and psychologist but they aren't even qualified enough to help him. He's in between psychiatrists now because the previous one stopped taking insurance and costs too much.

Any advice?

Personally, I think he should consider himself lucky. He repeatedly broke the law, was given a year as opposed to the standard 30 days to clean it up himself, and then was never charged over $860,000 when the county cleaned it themselves multiple times. I'm sure there were times when maybe certain things were illegal and benefited them, but still, my dad is not a victim here. He is the perpetrator. He started the whole thing. Unfortunately, nothing we say (or even a lawyer says) will convince him that he's wrong. He's the kind of guy that if he decided 1+1=5, there would be no convincing him otherwise. I don't know what to do with someone like that.

But I'm worried about what he might do. I don't know if he would do anything or not. He's had more than 15 years to do something. I don't know if some of this most recent anger and anxiety is because he went off his meds or not. He was on Effexor and stopped because he thinks his meds are causing shortness of breath. I'm afraid to leave him in the house by himself. I think I'm even more afraid to leave him and my mom alone in the house. To be honest, I'm afraid he may have Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) and may end up hurting someone. To be blunt (because I can't find polite words), he's getting dumber and dumber by the day. It's quite astounding. He refuses to get any tests done because he claims they give him a severe headache.

Hi lilbb,

I’m no expert, so take my words with a shaker of salt. I’d advise educating yourself about hoarding disorder. Try google first, then your local library. I don’t have specific websites or books in mind. I’ve never come across a website or book that didn’t help in some way, shape, or form, tbh.

You’ll probably never get through to him, but maybe you can help lessen the negative impact on the people around him. It sounds like he has a pattern of making plans & then not following through on said plans? It also sounds like the entities he reaches out to for help aren’t willing to go along?

In other words, it’s more of an issue of acceptance that this is the way he is & this is the way things are. If/when he becomes a more of an explicit danger to himself & others, then he may be forced into accepting psychiatric help. Until then, there’s really nothing you can do, I don’t think.

But like I said: I’m no expert. Maybe someone with more experience in elder care could help?