Don't remember childhood/things I just watched/people's face

Hi,
I don't remember my childhood. Maybe I wasted my childhood. I have a complex about not having a normal childhood. I've always been uncommunicative, I felt dead during my childhood, living day by day, being afraid, being here only by existing.
I'm grown up now. I'm better now, more sociable, lively. But, I don't feel normal, people have their childhood and I don't. I don't know how to reply them when they ask me do you remember this as a normie.
Is that ok?

I don't remember the things I just watched. I don't remember people's face I just met. I'm really trying my best. I'm learning.

When I'm sad, I have to think about the reasons why I feel sad. Like thinking about what happened that made me sad.

Can't I just begin living now? Just like I've never had any childhood? Like life begins now?