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I feel like I am retarded

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I feel like I am retarded

Postby emanresu94 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 8:54 pm

For the last 7 years or so,I am battling with what most MH professionals up until now have labelled OCD,yet I dont believe this is my problem.I mean,for years now my mind is just totally blank,and for this reason I feel like I am avoiding learning new things,while also,I am not intellectually curious.I have a hobby or two,I have graduated University in my country,and was always told I am ''smart'',yet how can I be smart since I feel like my head is like a white board at all times,24/7.Lol I even got to take an IQ test and scored 122,but still I am not convinced I am that intelligent,and my mind comes up with numerous reasons for this score to be fake(like knowing about the test I was going to take,or having done various tests on the internet throughout the years),yet I did not ''cheat'' if you willst.....It feels my whole life is a lie,my identity is crumbling,I cant bear it anymore....also I suffer from physical disability(not so debilitating in severity,but severe enough to make me ''look different'',which sucks,especially in the romance domain)....I have suicidal thoughts all the time,and i feel like I am a retard who tricked everyone else.I can not really think,my spatial thinking(perceptual thinking) is ###$ up,I cant conjure any image whatsoever,cant do witty humor,can not function in a general sense.The only thing I wanted was to just be normal,since I was a kid....althrough I was academically competent at school(and I have interviewed some of my professors in high school,who told me i was undoubtedly intelligent),I dont really feel like it.Also,I cant express my thoughts in detail,thus I can describe my ''condition of being'' only in a fragmental manner,which may have implications on my ability to describe what I perceive as symptoms to my MHP......I feel ###$ up,mentally rotten.What is wrong with me?Why?
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Re: I feel like I am retarded

Postby Snaga » Wed Dec 05, 2018 11:01 am

Well, this sounds as if it's a pretty intelligent post.

Don't forget, since you've been Dx'd with OCD, that pwOCD will over think until they don't know which way is up. I know I feel as is I'm challenged sometimes if I dwell on it. Also besides OCD I think I have ADD- there is some sort of learning disability associated with that, and yeah, it feels as if stuff doesn't sink in too quickly...

Main thing I want to remind you of, is that with OCD we can convince ourselves of just about anything.
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