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I feel like I am retarded

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I feel like I am retarded

Postby emanresu94 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 8:54 pm

For the last 7 years or so,I am battling with what most MH professionals up until now have labelled OCD,yet I dont believe this is my problem.I mean,for years now my mind is just totally blank,and for this reason I feel like I am avoiding learning new things,while also,I am not intellectually curious.I have a hobby or two,I have graduated University in my country,and was always told I am ''smart'',yet how can I be smart since I feel like my head is like a white board at all times,24/7.Lol I even got to take an IQ test and scored 122,but still I am not convinced I am that intelligent,and my mind comes up with numerous reasons for this score to be fake(like knowing about the test I was going to take,or having done various tests on the internet throughout the years),yet I did not ''cheat'' if you willst.....It feels my whole life is a lie,my identity is crumbling,I cant bear it anymore....also I suffer from physical disability(not so debilitating in severity,but severe enough to make me ''look different'',which sucks,especially in the romance domain)....I have suicidal thoughts all the time,and i feel like I am a retard who tricked everyone else.I can not really think,my spatial thinking(perceptual thinking) is ###$ up,I cant conjure any image whatsoever,cant do witty humor,can not function in a general sense.The only thing I wanted was to just be normal,since I was a kid....althrough I was academically competent at school(and I have interviewed some of my professors in high school,who told me i was undoubtedly intelligent),I dont really feel like it.Also,I cant express my thoughts in detail,thus I can describe my ''condition of being'' only in a fragmental manner,which may have implications on my ability to describe what I perceive as symptoms to my MHP......I feel ###$ up,mentally rotten.What is wrong with me?Why?
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Re: I feel like I am retarded

Postby Snaga » Wed Dec 05, 2018 11:01 am

Well, this sounds as if it's a pretty intelligent post.

Don't forget, since you've been Dx'd with OCD, that pwOCD will over think until they don't know which way is up. I know I feel as is I'm challenged sometimes if I dwell on it. Also besides OCD I think I have ADD- there is some sort of learning disability associated with that, and yeah, it feels as if stuff doesn't sink in too quickly...

Main thing I want to remind you of, is that with OCD we can convince ourselves of just about anything.
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Re: I feel like I am retarded

Postby borderline12 » Thu Apr 11, 2019 6:03 am

You are not retarded. You are to self aware.

I have been tested many times by doctors. My IQ score is always between 80 and 90. I am borderline mentally retarded according to Stanford Binet and Wechsler.

I cant see stuff in my head eather. But you can use words a lot better. There is more to being smart than just making pictures in your head. You have a good use of words and good use to express yourself.

I think, if you dont give up it will get better. Dont give up.
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Re: I feel like I am retarded

Postby Snaga » Fri Apr 12, 2019 5:33 pm

Okay so between 80 and 90 isn't breaking any records, but 'borderline retarded' seems a bit much. If you look at average IQ by country, there's a lot of places that fall into that range. And a lot of countries that fall way lower than that.

But then perception is everything... and if you feel stupid (I do) then, well, you feel stupid. I don't feel as if I can truly grasp anything, to be honest. Some of that may be ADD-related, I think I once read of a learning disability related to ADD, and if I'm anything (besides OCD), it's gotta be ADD.... takes a while for things to break thru the chatter in my head....
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Re: I feel like I am retarded

Postby BethleftRich » Fri Apr 26, 2019 6:42 pm

Is ADHD a cognitive disorder? Was diagnosed at age 2, now I am 61. Had trouble paying attention in school, failed at things that didn't interest me, and I excelled at subjects that I liked. Now my neurologist said I have an aneurism deep in my brain, so does that also affect cognition?
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Re: I feel like I am retarded

Postby Snaga » Sat Apr 27, 2019 7:37 am

Woah. An aneurism? That's rough.

I've never heard of that causing a learning disability but dang, it's the brain.

An interesting Dx, considering your age. What did they actually call it then? Hyperkinetic impulse disorder?

A Duck Duck Go search has plenty of links to sites that assert that ADHD is either confused with, or comorbid with, learning disabilities or other mental health problems. Somewhere.. I'm not sure where, I once read ADD is associated with a particular learning disability.

I know I have never considered myself hyper, but my early childhood could easily have been called a case of ADD, or perhaps something along the autism scale, albeit the high functioning end to it. Always in my own world and if something didn't really catch my attention yes, I'd struggle keeping focus on it. Always having to stay late to finish my schoolwork, until I came up with coping mechanisms on my own. And I have a hard time grasping new things, especially if I have to learn them under pressure. I'm just fine, if it's remembering useless information. I'm not literally an idiot savant, but I jokingly think of myself as one, when it comes to knowing useless minutiae. My brain is full of stuff that's of no use at all to anyone.

I definitely feel stupid. And feel as if I have an inability to correct course and learn from my mistakes.

If a job is complicated, it takes a long time for it to sink in, thru all the chatter in my brain. I feel stupid, and slow, and as if my brain is wrapped in cotton.
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Re: I feel like I am retarded

Postby BethleftRich » Sat Apr 27, 2019 10:05 pm

I didn't know I had an aneurism until my MRI. Actually the first MRI showed lesions, then on my third MRI I was told about my aneurism. About the ADHD, the doctors wanted to medicated me, however my Mother was against giving me, her 2 year old drugs. My Mother didn't trust Doctors too much.
Now I appreciate my Mom not drugging me, but school was difficult, and I had difficulty making friends. My family members still get frustrated with me when I am talking, they cant get a word in edgewise, and if they do I still interrupt. I should be embarrassed when I do this,but I am not.

If I am speaking to someone I don't know, and I interrupt, then I get embarrassed. I apologize and make an effort to listen, and listening is a huge effort for me. My neurologist told me the left side of my brain is damaged, however the right side does just fine. I can do some things other's cant do. Reading, writing, painting. Good at those things. What conditions do you all have? My conditions are as follows, rheumatoid arthritis, lesions and aneurism in brain, and ADHD all my life. Despite my disabilities, I have done ok in life. Raised my kids, stayed out of trouble, and was nice to everyone I ever met. So, I am not complaining, just want to share what my health issues are. This forum is neat, so many different departments for all mental health issues, and health too. Glad to know I am not alone with a different brain!
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Re: I feel like I am retarded

Postby Snaga » Sun Apr 28, 2019 1:55 am

Oh no, you're not alone. If you follow cult classics, then my sigline photo might look familiar.... 'one of us.....' and I'm right in there with everyone. You're home, here.

Since ADHD didn't become fashionable until the 80s, at least, that's the first I'd heard of it, I was surprised at your age and how they wanted to drug you, way back in the day. You must've been a handful, at only two!

I never was very hyper. Mine was always... well, Ralphie in A Christmas Story. Or Walter Mitty. That kind. I'm sure though, if I'd come along later, I'd have been given something to focus. I never could focus, and even now, OCD and hyperaware, at work, anyway, out of paranoia and fear, I still have trouble keeping my eyes on what's going on. I've learned to cope, mostly, but still, its' a struggle at times.

Like you, I tend to want to complete sentences. It drives the partner crazy, but I can't help myself. And I have a hard time knowing when to jump in, and tend to interrupt a lot.
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Re: I feel like I am retarded

Postby BethleftRich » Sun Apr 28, 2019 1:47 pm

Yes, I know what you mean by struggle. If I remember, the doctors in 1960 wanted to give me a drug called dexadrine, or something like that. The medication was some sort of speed, and it counter acts the ADHD. Later in life my psychiatrist put me on sertraline. Took it for 2 years, didn't notice much of a difference. It did reduce my anxiety a bit, but didn't resolve my problems in any way. Was dealing with my toxic marriage, my husband was not treated for his Bi Polar1, so most of my anxiety, was a result of my husbands incessant screaming, odd actions, etc. I have been off sertraline for a year and a half and I am fine without it, especially since I removed myself from a toxic marriage. Everything is falling into place and life is going back to normal for me, slowly but surely.
So happy I found this psych forum. Nice to meet you and thanks.
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