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School, studying, concentration, tired

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School, studying, concentration, tired

Postby TildaHeart » Wed May 24, 2017 10:33 am

I just to be great in school. I used to actually be one of the best in me class, or maybe even the best.
I just to care about school alot and i kind of overstudied i quess you can say. Worked hard in school and then i came home and all i did was study. Day in day out.
My teacher and mom even told me that i need to study less and go do something fun too sometimes. And we made a rule that i wasn´t allowed to study after school on fridays :P
Then i changed school and slowly something started to happen. I feel like it might slowly started just before i changed school but im not sure. Can´t quite remember.
I slowly began to have more problams concentrating. It began to become harder and harder to read and focus. All thru the time i went in the new school(2 and a half year) i was horrible at studing, i was no longer the really good student. I was the complite opposite. I was really tired, could not concentrate, could not study. And no what? i did not even care. Before i just to care ALOt about school but sudently i just did not care at all. I did not care that i did nothing all they long. I did not care that my teachers told me i needed to stop with this whole "i don´t give a f about anything attidude"
Before i had never got an F on anything. But one semester(or maybe it was even a whole year) i god F on every single task and test in the science, nature subject class. That i had to retake ever test in that subject.
I would start with a task weeks AFTER it was suppose to be done. I would go to an exam , walk in and not even know what subject the test was about. Or i would find out what it was about like 5 min before we started. But it´s not like a 5 minute studying will get you anywhere.
It would be impossible to stay focused in class and listen to what the teacher had to say.
I would act sicker then i was so that i did not have to go to school. And when i actually whent to school i would skip classes, i would take a walk alone in the middle of the school just to get out of that shity place, i would skip school and go to town alone, or just walk home just like that cuz i just was not feeling it anymore. I would just sitt with my headphones and listen to music all day. Found a room with as little people as possible and just expace. Or hid on the bathroom. I literally falled asleep on a exam once. I would fall asleep next to my friends while they where sitting and studying and they just ofcourse thought it was kind of funny. I would go to the cafeteria and put some chairs togheter and use my bag as a pillow and then i would just sleep there.
In the end of the school time i would be so confused and so out if it all the time. I would not even be awhere when we had a break. My friends would be like "it´s going to be so nice with a break" and i´d be like "why are you not going to school for a while? And she be like wtf we have winter break no one is going to school. I would have no idea what the hell i was doing half of the time. What classes i had. What tasks we had, what we needed to do, what we did in what subject. Teachers would be like "have you done this, have you done that etc...." and i´d be like what? Where i suppose to do that? And they would be like "Eee... i said this in class today, or they would clame to had talked about this in class for weeks and that i had been there every time or almost ever tim. And i had no freaking idea what they where talking about" My classmates whent to the beach cuz apparently we where suppose to do that witch i had no idea of so i just whent to school and was like "where the hell is everyone" and so snapchated one person and she was really confused over how i did not know this, like it´s been emails, teachers have said it in school, etc... and just confused over how i did not new this. And i had no memorie of someone telling me things like this, about trips and things. In last they of school one in my class was like, eee are you coming? We are going to sign the gift. And then she ran away and i had no freaking idea what she was talking about and i needed to put something in my locker so after i did that i had no idea where she went to i just whent up to where i actually thought we where going to be. No one in my class was there. They came and we whent in to the room we was going to be in. One person gave the gift to or teacher, like here we have collected money to buy you this and i was like wtf im not in on this, i had no idea we was going to do this, wtf is this.
I would lose my phone, my block, my bocks, my pen(my brain :lol: ) my phone charger etc... all the time in school. Friends thought it was funny but i was just really confused :roll:
For like a week in 9 grade i sudently was back to my old self and started studying like $#%^ and teachers where all kinds of confused. Like what did you do with the old you? Or: Why haven´t you been like this before? You are great at this, why have you not showed that before, why have you been holding back
But the things was that i just could not before. It was not possible and suddently it was agan but as fast as it showed up, just as fast it whent away.
Now i don´t even go to school cuz so tired, anxiety, can´t study, can´t get myself to get away to school. Just can´t and i´ve been fighting for years so now i just gave up.
I´ve been taking antidepressive medicain for about a year but it has not helpt. I still can´t study or get myself to do anything or get out of the house. And im still pretty confused about most $#%^.
I have been trying anxiety medicion, i have been trying adhd medecin but nothing. Nothing helps, nothing works. Sleeping pills, but they only work like once and then im back to really bad sleeping rhytms. Feel like that has got better when i started the adhd medecin but i don´t now. First when i tolk the adhd/add medecin it worked great. then it worked to much and i got alot of energy , become really happy, talked really lowed and talked super much and superr fast, sleept like 2 hours per night but i was still not tierd. But then that whent away and the medecin stoped working at all. Doctor said you could get used to it so she raised my dose. But nothing. No diffrence.
I don´t no what do do anymore.
My doctor,psychologist does not seem to now what to do eaither or even take my problams serious.
THere is so much things i want to do but i just can´t and its really frustrating. My life is just pasing me by. Im messing me teeange years, im waisting my life in bed and i don´t want to and i really try but it´s just not possible. I try but i just can´t. There is like a blocking in my head.
Any ideas?
Came to think of one more thing. I don´t no if i have that maladive daydreaming thing but i might. I spend alot of my those school years just dreaming. I just wanted to dream all the time. I would rahter dream then actually do something. I live in my head, im stuck in my head and i can´t get out.
They get a little bit to real. I dream of stuff i want to do. Pretty unrealistic stuff most time. And then it sort of becomes more like a plan. A plan that ofcourse never happens and then i get sad cuz i can´t be able to create that dream life in my head, in real life. And i get sad and then i start to create a new dream life and i create a plan of how to achive it but sense i can´t get out of my head and sense i can´t concentrate and im not able to do something = it does not come try. And i get sad agan. And i create a new dream Repet repet repet. Evil circle.
TildaHeart
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