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The Trappings of Thought

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The Trappings of Thought

Postby Zenfinity » Mon May 23, 2016 8:09 pm

Recently I went through a few weeks of an extremely traumatic experience where unintentional, meaningless, and completely random thoughts have seemed to cause a scar on my brain and is proving to be quite the lengthy process to recover from. It all began when I heard voices in my head threatening me with violence, talking amongst their selves about doing something to me while I was sleeping, and then making me feel entrapped into a religion or else. They began showing me they could actually hear my thoughts by putting me under what I call a "microscope of judgment" and judging every single thought whether it was intentional and coming from an actual desire, or just one of the normal random meaningless thoughts. The feelings of entrapment and judging of my thoughts automatically caused my mind to think thoughts like, "what if this is real and there really is a group of people trying to entrap me", "what could they be up too if I don't listen", and "what kind of false accusations will they attempt". That of course caused my mind to race into all sorts of randomness (my mind is already a very random thinking mind that thinks the most off the wall thoughts sometimes). Some of those thoughts were the worst thoughts a person could possibly think, and of course those voices jumped on them accusing me of being that, trying to convince me it is actually coming from a desire. I'm sure of who I am and have always been though so in no way did I resort to believe it and give in to the "fear tactics", although there was a degree of emotion that tied me to those thoughts afterwards because automatically I would try not to allow those thoughts to come back but of course the more I tried the more they would come back, and then I found my mind in an extremely traumatic experience and didn't know if it was possible to ever make a come back. Fortunately I did some things needed to be done in order to escape the threat based delusional thinking and have been able to recover, but somehow my mind seems to be going through some sort of post traumatic stress where for absolutely no reason some of those ridiculous thoughts just pop up out of control. Its as if my brain is scarred with them. The voices are still there, and of course they jump right on it, but because I know Im safe it doesn't bother me. I realize it has nothing to do with an actual desire so I just tell them to flip off...lol. But does anyone have any suggestions on maybe some material to research dealing with this? What I'm wondering is specifically about the science behind those ridiculous random meaningless thoughts. I know what I know, but it's always good to research for some extra confirmation for progress in recovery. Thanks in advance.
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