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rOCD / OCD ...

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rOCD / OCD ...

Postby williamn » Sun Jun 23, 2019 2:50 am

Hi ...

I definitely have been experiencing OCD for a long time ... I also suffer from anxiety and depression ... I also have had Epilepsy for almost my entire life ...

I am 54 years old ... I am a retired Math and Computer Science teacher - I had to retire after 21 years due to the Epilepsy ...

Anyway, I feel that I definitely have rOCD - I have been going to counseling for a long time ... My therapist will not let me discuss rOCD - I must discuss only OCD with her - I am not to be specific by naming the problem as rOCD - I do not understand this at all ...

My wife and I have been together for 27 years - married for 24 years and dating for 3 years - we have a superb relationship - we love being together ...

My large problem is that I have thoughts about her constantly ...

These thoughts bother me so much that I cannot stand it - it has been awful - I deal with this every day and night ...

The largest rOCD problem that I have deals with her weight and her looks ...

I first asked her out within the school where we both taught in 1992 ...

When we began dating, she was currently working out daily - needed to overcome her weight problems ...

I was not aware of her having a weight problem at the time we began enjoying each other so much - she looked fantastic from day one ...

At this point, I have terrible thoughts about her mostly when we are in public ...

As an example, I often do not introduce her to friends of mine (I do not have many) - I do not want them to see what I have or what I have chosen and how I could have done so much better ...

I feel so awful both mentally and physically when I experience the thoughts ...

What keeps happening is that I seem to be having a problem with "image" - I have always lived in a very small town (we have lived there for 24 years) - Everybody knows what everybody else is doing in the town - "looking good" has always been important - My Dad, who is 85 years old, still practices "image" today ...

Do I want to be with her ?? ...

Do I really need to end this relationship ?? ...

Is she someone that I do not want to live with because of her weight ?? ...

We really do have an absolutely tremendous relationship - except for my thoughts ...

She does know that I have what I mentioned above - she actually attends my counseling ...

She could not be understanding any better ...

I just have not discussed rOCD very much - she has no idea how this is ruining my (ours) life ..

What do you think ?? ...

Do I suffer from rOCD ?? ...

I really need to understand and agree that I do suffer from rOCD - and what happens, what I do, etc is not my fault ...

Can anyone let me know if my thoughts and actions are actual rOCD examples - or am I being unfair to her by "keeping" her in the marriage ?? ...

Do I have rOCD ?? ... Is what's happening not my own fault ?? ...


I am suffering ...

Thank you very much for your assistance !! ...
williamn
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