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A troubling thought, your help is needed

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A troubling thought, your help is needed

Postby omrip31 » Sun Jan 25, 2015 6:05 am

Hi Everyone,
I have been practicing CBT for the last 10 years – with the help of several books from the great David Burns.
In the last couple of years I’ve been struggling with putting the lie to several thoughts which I just can’t seem to answer to.
The main thought that is troubling me is: “I am wasting my life in my job". This thought has been causing me a lot of pain and suffering.
The thing is, I hate my job. I am trying to look for a better one for myself, but the fact is, I still feel like I’m wasting my life while I am still working at it.
I tried many techniques: examine the evidence, feared phantasy technique, cost/benefit analysis and many more, but nothing helps.
Can someone here help me with this? Perhaps you have an idea to how I can disprove it?
Is it true that I’m wasting my life in my work (finding a job which I would like might take a lot of time, so I prefer not to suffer so much meanwhile…) ?

Thanks
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Re: A troubling thought, your help is needed

Postby WiseMonkey » Mon Jan 26, 2015 9:50 am

If you hate your job than you are wasting your life. But if it's of any help or comfort, the vast majority of people are doing the same thing. So you are perfectly normal. Most of us are wasting our lives by doing things we hate because we have been brainwashed by the society into believing that we have to do them and also because very often the world gives us no other way to survive.

Those who resist this world order and try to make their life meaningful have a hard life because they are surrounded by the brainwashed sheep who follow the societal program.

Even though it seems impossible to find the work you love and make your life meaningful, if you set your intention on doing so, things will change overtime. May be not dramatically, not on the big scale and not immediately, but something will shift overtime and turn your life in a new direction.
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."-Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Re: A troubling thought, your help is needed

Postby omrip31 » Mon Jan 26, 2015 5:34 pm

Hi WiseMonkey,
I respect your opinion but I disagree with it. Here are a few examples:

1.A mother of 3 who loves her children very much is working for 4 years in a dead end job which she dislikes very much. Her children give her a lot of satisfaction and are doing well in their life. Is her life a complete "waste" ? All the time which she spends with her children means a lot to her and them. Is she wasting her time with her kids?

2.A guy is working for a few years in a job he hates, Addiotionally, he is active - in his free time - at helping animals and the environment. He accomplished a lot in these activities and helped many. Is his life a complete waste?

And finally, what does "wasting" your life even means? I see it is just a hot air ballon with no meaning. It is just a label. In your answer, you said that "If you hate your job than you are wasting your life" but you didn't say anything with this answer. It's like saying that someone is an idiot because he is an idiot. It's logically incorrect. Can you specify what does wasting your life actually mean (with no circular references)?
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Re: A troubling thought, your help is needed

Postby WiseMonkey » Wed Jan 28, 2015 10:14 pm

Nah, it's ok :D

According to Davis Burns and the CBT approach, you are absolutely right. I don't have much respect for this approach and so my "logic" or better say my point of reference is different from yours. So, let's just agree to disagree :D
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."-Martin Luther King, Jr.
http://therapyconsumerguide.com/
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Re: A troubling thought, your help is needed

Postby Ada » Thu Jan 29, 2015 12:55 pm

I don't really see the aim in disproving that statement. Since that would seem to me to take away the motivation to change.

There are some pragmatic reasons to keep on in a terrible job. Such as not having gaps in your employment history. Having a reason to get out of bed several times a week. Financial practicalities. There is also skill development in any job. Even if that's simply getting on with difficult people. Avoiding conflict. Managing stress.

It might also be useful to reflect on what you mean by "wasting?" Does that imply that there's a concept of an "unwasted" life? What elements would be different? Is it about money / satisfaction / impact / service? If you had your "ideal" job, realistically some of your time would still feel "wasted." Can you identify honestly what some of those ways might be? Therefore what balance are you looking for between "wasted" and "unwasted" to be happier with your life overall?

This doesn't really challenge the thought, but might expand on it in a helpful direction.

Thinking partly drawn from http://www.amazon.com/Missing-Out-Prais ... 1250043514 Which is a good read if you can find it in the local library. And don't approach it expecting answers! I found it useful for prompting questions.
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


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Re: A troubling thought, your help is needed

Postby omrip31 » Sun Feb 01, 2015 7:24 pm

Hi Ada,
You said some interesting things, I'll think about it, thanks.
By the way, I think that a person can have a motivation to change without talking down to himself.
I for one, wouldn't say this to anyone that feels like me. I think that this would only make him more depressed.
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Re: A troubling thought, your help is needed

Postby Phiremonkey » Fri Jan 12, 2018 6:41 pm

Making money is not a waste of your time if you use money. The only reason you are at that job is because you need money. But it seems the real issue is that you just don't like your job. So find a job that makes you happy.

I hated my job. So I quit. I actually did not go back to work because of migraines but that is a different issue. But I would have simply worked in a place I liked.

The trick is to get your mind right. You have to see what you are doing for what it is. You are there to make money. That's it. Decide to enjoy your job. Change your mind or find another job.
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