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I sense something is wrong with my daughter

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I sense something is wrong with my daughter

Postby LexiLu » Mon Sep 17, 2012 9:11 pm

My 10 year old daughter seems to have signs that point to some type of mental issue in my un-trained opinion. She cries so easily, she constantly argues, she takes any type of criticism or advice to heart. It's hard to have a conversation with her sometimes. She also has no sense of trying to look nice. I have to pick out her clothes every morning and fix her hair or she would look really messy and crazy. She also can act extremely immature. More immature than her 7 year old brother. On the positive side she is at a very high ranking school and excels amongst her peers. She is in Gate and is in all the highest subject groups. Math, etc. I'm amazed at how hard the work is! But she does very well. She loves school. She makes friends easily. She has a lot of positives, but it's the emotional crying, immature behavior, and the way she will walk around messy if I don't help her that concerns me. Example1 : Our friends daughter was over the other day to play, she is 4. My daughter wanted a pic with her and the little girl didn't want to take a pic. So my daughter's eyes welled up and she started to cry. It was embarrassing! Example2: My daughter was drawing a picture for an optional art contest they are having at school. She was getting frustrated trying to make a horse look realistic and was drawing hunched over crying and crying about it. I mentioned she argues. If I say, "I looked over your math homework and you have a few wrong," she instantly says, "No I don't!" I'm not mad at her at all. I'm just trying to help and I have to get past her defiant attitude all the time very gently like I'm walking on nails because I don't want to push her further away or make her defenses go up higher than they already are. Does anyone see symptoms of a disorder here? BTW..I've talked about taking her to see someone and she is very upset by that idea.
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Re: I sense something is wrong with my daughter

Postby fireblue » Tue Sep 18, 2012 12:59 am

Maybe you should let her be messy. She is probably going through a phase where it is too much trouble to concentrate on her outward appearance because she is having a rich inner life that takes up her attention.

When peer pressure increases she will take more care of herself on her own.

Plus, as a professional artist I can tell you that the word "wrong" isn't really helpful. Again, she needs to make those "errors" because growing into your own artist is a series of discoveries. What seem like errors are in fact part of her story. They are not errors. They are simply "unconventional".

Every painting, drawing, sculpture,etc that an artist does is in fact a self portrait. It is a self portrait of who they are on the inside.

She may be rebelling against too many constraints. She sounds like a free spirit. Please heed this warning. I was overly strict and protective. I lost my child for fifteen years because she finally left and took many years to live her life without constraints.

Today it is very popular to estrange yourself from a parent who is seen as restrictive, unfair, etc. If I could do it over again I would validate her emotions, celebrate her silliness, laugh with her, joke with her... And commend her for being her own person. Plus, I would have gotten us into family counseling at the first warning - which I did not know to take.

You are getting some red flags. I suggest family counseling right away with someone who understands dysfunctional family problems. If you call a university hospital and ask to talk to their psychology department, most often they will know the best doctors for such problems and can give you a good referral.

Warm wishes...
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Re: I sense something is wrong with my daughter

Postby sarahdiane » Tue Sep 18, 2012 5:05 pm

Your post described my 10-year-old son exactly. he also cries extremely easily and for small reasons...like he doesn't like what i'm making for dinner. and he also gets defensive (or cries) with criticism. he's getting better about caring how he looks and personal hygiene and all that. last year was pretty bad. his school counselor told me though that it's normal around this age. He's very smart though and when he's not having a meltdown, he's so sweet and kind. he was just diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and mood disorder NOS...which seemed like a lot to me. he has some other behaviors too though. whatever diagnosis your daughter might have, it sounds like it's really disruptive to your lives and you should take her to see someone. regardless if she wants to or not. hopefully your family finds peace soon!
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Re: I sense something is wrong with my daughter

Postby rainbow-productions » Sun Dec 30, 2012 6:54 am

I'm not an adult nor do I have children, but I can tell you first-hand that I was the same way from about 9-14. I cried about everything, I didn't care how I looked- on the outside. Inside, I was just too afraid of being judged, so I let myself look bad so I KNEW I would be judged a certain way, and wasn't wondering and could pretend to not care.
I was, back then, very smart, if a bit naive.

Now that I'm older, I realize that the 'sensitive little girl' that I was, as the adults in my life put it, was really early-onset depression. It hit me hard at 15, and before that the idea of 'getting help' angered me into tears. I just wanted to be left alone! At 15, I started caring how I looked a bit more, and I became more socially 'normal' (some of my problems stemmed from social isolation within a dysfunctional family, though not all of them) and more accepted amongst people my age. It was then, accepted and with a good life, I realized tha tI should have been happy but I wasn't.

I'm only in my mid-teens now, but all of my problems and odd behaviors were caused by severe depression that I suffered as a young child and still suffer through now. The reason I cried all the time was mainly because I was so frustrated with things, that even the smallest inconvenience was insufferable. I felt like, "Everything else is so bad, why is this too?"

The problem was, with such young kids you don't see the same signs of depression as you do with older people because the younger you are, the more different your grasp on the world and the more different you handle things.

TL;DR: I believe she may be depressed. Even depressed people, especially young ones, can still feel the general sense of happiness that comes with being a child.

I realize this was all over the place and I apologize for that, it's 2:00am and all I've had today is cookies and soda, litterally! I'm wired.
I hope I helped you, and I hope you and your daughter can find peace.
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Re: I sense something is wrong with my daughter

Postby sleeper^ » Thu Jun 27, 2013 3:21 pm

She cries so easily, she constantly argues, she takes any type of criticism or advice to heart. It's hard to have a conversation with her sometimes. She also has no sense of trying to look nice. I have to pick out her clothes every morning and fix her hair or she would look really messy and crazy. She also can act extremely immature

She is a child ...( she may be alittle behind in her maturity ) but there might be a reason for that

She has no sense of looking nice
( in your opinion ?)
maybe she might like to be showing her own style now (her own way in life or the beginnings ( children are perceptive even when you think they are not

My own.. doesn't like the way I use to style his hair either ( & sweeps it in totally the wrong way down terribly flat & horrible ) I giggle to myself & let him go ( he is 11) ..he must find his own style to some degree without my interference so much now ( lol & it is hard ) as I also like to be there with / for him in his 'choices' but have tried now to take a more back approach with a few things letting them slide ( giving my own opinion as best / nicely as I can eg- your hair would look better like this lol
But in the end ( for some things I let him go with it ) encouraging him to accept his own choices to a little degree with the small stuff mostly( encouraging his Independence from me )
As for crying ( I am also thinking my boy is the same very sensitive & yes can cry very easy )
when he does ( I now change my behavior ) to try & suit ( as he is still learning to navigate his own emotions ( as yes there might be a slight problem maybe anxiety )
If he cries ( I don't get embarrassed by it ) I 'm trying to find out what is upsetting or frustrating him
( so I can help him express this ) & move passed it ( working with him )

Most sensitive children will take criticism to heart -( talking to a trained therapist who works with kids will help you both ) make it sound not that there is something wrong with her but ( rather a way to help her cope & be the best she can be ) with a little help for you both ( so you both have little strategies to put into place together ( eg- she is upset & you might have learn't new ways for her to express what she is feeling right there in a better way for HERSELF !


Maybe think back also on how you are 'talking' to her ( influencing her anxiety levels ) we can all do it unintentionally ( & with a more 'sensitive' child it will exculate in them ) eg- I am learning to change my way I interact with him ( to help him express himself better & will be trying to help him also learn ways to deal more so with his anxiety at times with things ) ..
Its normal for a child ( especially so a gal ) to not want to be wrong in things ( thing here is that she is feeling you are criticizing her for some reason ) so again something to work with together & with also the counselor

As the behaviors will change better with a team effort of understanding & better bonding together as mother & daughter ..
Maybe encouraging her to decide a few things her self might also help her to mature more so ( also by 'talking ' / listening to her ( hear her reasons for wanting & dressing the way she is right now )

Also maybe look into why the need for expectation of her to do / dress / act the way you think she should be ...( again a hard step for any parent to look to ) but when we do it does help to understand ( hey its not that bad ..& making I am instead making a fuss when not necessary ( or maybe we just need to find a better way to work it tog better..
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