Should I tell my family?

I was molested by two priests as a child. Most of the details are hazy, but I had to of have been in the first to third grade. I went to a Catholic middle school. I don't how often it happened, but I vividly remember one time.

I'm in my thirties now... I dont know if I should bother telling my family. My parents prided themselves on sending my sister and I to a private Catholic school. They are proud to of have been able to afford "such great schooling for their children."

Whenever they boast about it.. it bothers me. I want to yell at them and tell them. But then I think I would be hurting them for no reason. Telling them won't erase what happened, it won't make the pain go away. If anything, it would amplify it, knowing my parents would be shocked and hurt by my revelation.

I had some odd habits as a preteen. It would explain the majority of it for them, if they knew.

This only happened once; When I was younger, my mother would often kiss me on the lips. Not sexually, just innocently. Without knowing why, one time I tried to push my tongue in her mouth. She just calmy told me that's not what children do with their parents.

She never questioned why her nine year old daughter was doing that.

I also would try to look at my father changing when I was nine to eleven. He knew and sent me to another room when he would change. They never bothered to question it.

I would also violently kick in my sleep, which may have been trauma related... They never wondered, they only yelled at me to stop, telling me they would tie my legs down if I didn't. Keep in mind, this was in my sleep!!! I wasn't aware I was doing it until I was startled awake by them yelling.

I don't know how often these two priests molested me, or how long it went on for.

I don't know if I should tell them. I don't know if it would make things better or if it would hurt them tremendously. My father has a bad heart. I don't want to hurt them. I just wish someone knew.

is there any sibling you're close to whom you can tell? how is your equation with your parents? I told my family. it didn't help tbh. they didn't understand or wanted to understand. either way it was too late. the damage was already done.

jaus tail wrote:is there any sibling you're close to whom you can tell? how is your equation with your parents? I told my family. it didn't help tbh. they didn't understand or wanted to understand. either way it was too late. the damage was already done.

I am close with my sister but she acts like an asshole at times. I dislike being touched in any form, with anyone, and she gets upset over this as though I'm personally offending her.

If she knew why I dislike being touched maybe then she would understand and not be so immature about it. But then again, if she knew, it would make things akward between us, at least for me.

I will most likely die with this secret, as much as it bothers me to admit.

Hi Desperate,

First off, I hate that this happened to you and I pray that you can find a path to closure and inner peace.

Secondly, I don't think you should tell your parents at this point. Its a can of worms that may make your pain worse than it already is. At some point there may come a time to tell them but not yet.

I do wonder, though, if those priests are still around. Might they have been molesting others for the last 20 years? This would be a reason to report it, at least to the church. Possibly go to confession (not face to face but with a privacy screen) and ask the priest for his thoughts on the situation. (Obviously, make sure it's not one of the priest in question!) Perhaps even go to a different parish. This would give you anonymity and an opportunity to get a perspective that could help you decide what to do next.

DesperateforClosure wrote:I don't how often it happened, but I vividly remember one time.

Before talking to anyone I suggest you search your memory, even though it might be painful, so as to be clear that what your reporting is what actually happened and not a vague memory; or just focus on the one vivid memory, acknowledging that you may have repressed memories of other occurrences. I'm sure you're aware of what a touchy subject this is.

I understand your need to talk to someone about this. 20 years or so is a long time to be carrying around this secret. If you're carrying around guilt or shame just remember this was not your fault! You were NOT to blame.

Also, remember that not all priest are like the ones that molested you. There IS a God and he loves you! I don't know you but I love you, too and I'll be praying for you!

I've debated on this for a long while. I won't tell them. It wouldn't help, it would only make them view me differently. The last thing I need is for them to want to "talk" with me about it.

I don't want to see them cry. It would hurt them, knowing their child was being used in a school that they threw money at for years.

DesperateforClosure wrote:I've debated on this for a long while. I won't tell them. It wouldn't help, it would only make them view me differently. The last thing I need is for them to want to "talk" with me about it.

I don't want to see them cry. It would hurt them, knowing their child was being used in a school that they threw money at for years.

i understand your concern for them
but tbh it shouldnt be the child's job to safeguard their parents' emotions.
when my mom found out about my abuse, n i told my therapist about that i feel bad for mom.
the therapist said: if ur child were going through this, wouldnt u want to know?

also telling the parents wont 'fix' anything
nothing every gets fixed