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My mother was a narcissist and my father an enabler

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My mother was a narcissist and my father an enabler

Postby andyandy » Wed Dec 30, 2020 5:41 pm

This is my first time posting here.

I'm now 46 years old and still reassure myself every day in order to know that I'm not crazy- because my entire childhood whenever I tried to communicate about the things that were hurting me I was treated as crazy. And unfortunately that effort to protect myself- that effort to reassure myself- actually made me crazy. It is a curse to constantly have to reassure myself that I'm not making things up or making too much of things. So if anyone has insight on letting these thoughts go I would appreciate them.

The biggest problem for me was how my mother treated food. She really broke me using food. That was my experience of childhood- every day feeling like my mother was trying to break me. She was a terrible cook- which I would not have had a problem with. She could have been a terrible cook and I would have never said anything. She could have ordered in food or just not made me eat it. But I was forced to eat until my plate passed "inspection". Mostly I remember vegetables cooked until they were a rotten glop- particularly spinach. And I would sit at the table across from my mother- not allowed to leave the table or do anything else until I choked it down. It was horrible. And I told her. I told her many times. And instead of caring she turned into a stern, angry wall that would not let any information in. And she just cracked down harder and made more rules. And made rules about what I was allowed to say. And there was nothing I could do or say to change things. And all the time acted like that there was no problem at all in the household. It was a really nasty combination of tactics- hurting me, doing more of it when I said something, and acting like there was no problem at all. The acting like it wasn't even happening is what has caused me so madness. Because I would go to bed each night reassuring myself I wasn't crazy. And it's a habit I just can't let go of.
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Re: My mother was a narcissist and my father an enabler

Postby Terry E. » Fri Jan 01, 2021 6:34 am

Andy welcome, hope you can find some stuff here.

My mother was a good cook but a very lazy person. So nutrition was a problem for me and my brother as well. She was also physically very sadistic and brutal so it was one of many problems from a very sick person.

I don't know what I can say to help you? I think moving on takes time. I was angry for a long time, now that has changed.

Do you have issues today about food ??

Are you still in contact ??
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Re: My mother was a narcissist and my father an enabler

Postby andyandy » Tue Jan 26, 2021 11:58 pm

I definitely still have issues around food. I eat the same meals every day (sandwich for breakfast, burrito for lunch, pizza for dinner) and have to read while I eat so I don't think about eating.

I have about four years of no-contact with my mother. Despite that I have a lot of reoccurring thoughts where I try to explain to myself that I'm not crazy related to those events. Having your parents treat you as crazy really messes with your head.
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Re: My mother was a narcissist and my father an enabler

Postby Terry E. » Wed Jan 27, 2021 7:18 am

You need better nutrition than that. Short term no, but longer term for sure.

I have had numerous issues and one thing I mentally keep reminding myself of is "don't let her win".

I have tried to change all my negative self damaging behaviors, as if I don't then she is still winning.

Takes time, but try and look for change.
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Re: My mother was a narcissist and my father an enabler

Postby andyandy » Wed Jan 27, 2021 4:38 pm

Yes, it can feel like a war for your sanity. My abuser never understood that their are some “battles” that they aren’t supposed to win. They shouldn’t even be battles. I was just sticking up for my boundaries and that enraged her.
I do think talking with other people like we were doing here is one of the best defenses for your sanity.
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Re: My mother was a narcissist and my father an enabler

Postby Muttonchop » Sat Feb 13, 2021 8:51 pm

I was abused as a child by my mother verbally and a bit physically. My father was working all of the time and was not involved. The abuse subsided as I got older and I forgave my mother.
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