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to not have expectations is not helpful advice

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to not have expectations is not helpful advice

Postby jaus tail » Tue Jul 14, 2020 7:49 am

when people say dont expect anything from anyone, i think thats not helpful advice.

we expect stuff all the time. i expect this laptop to work. i pay for internet connection, i expect it to work. i go to buy medicines, i expect it to work. as a child, the child expects the parent to take the child for vaccinations.

we cant live like a robot with zero expectations. even when i buy food, i expect it to not be poisonous. i pay for train ticket from point A to point B, i expect it to go to point B.
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Re: to not have expectations is not helpful advice

Postby Johei » Thu Sep 03, 2020 3:33 am

I'm not sure who told you this, but they were way off.
My motto is: 'Expect the worst, hope for the best'

OFF COURSE, when you buy a computer, you'd expect it to work. But it might not. Do you have a backup plan?

Let's go back to basics...
Remember when you were a little kid, and you saw this commercial for a toy, and you thought: 'Wow, this piece of colored plastic is going to make my life perfect!'
It looked so cool in the commercial, and in the cartoon, it did all sorts of amazing things.
Once you got it... It was just a piece of plastic. It did enough so the company couldn't get sued, but not what you dreamed it would do...
That's life. People/things will do enough so you can't sue them, but rarely all you dreamed of.
Understanding that is called 'Growing up'
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Re: to not have expectations is not helpful advice

Postby Terry E. » Thu Sep 03, 2020 4:23 am

Johei wrote:
I'm not sure who told you this, but they were way off.
My motto is: 'Expect the worst, hope for the best'



Thank you, yep that is it. The whole question of trust. One of those things we are all apparently born with, (it makes Society work, even when we lived in caves).

An abused child just has to keep lowering those expectations again and again.

I am always happily surprised when things work out..
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Re: to not have expectations is not helpful advice

Postby jaus tail » Thu Sep 03, 2020 4:30 am

Terry E. wrote:
I am always happily surprised when things work out..


for me i used to be super-excited when someone spoke kindly to me.
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Re: to not have expectations is not helpful advice

Postby Terry E. » Fri Sep 04, 2020 1:03 am

jaus tail wrote:
Terry E. wrote:
I am always happily surprised when things work out..


for me I used to be super-excited when someone spoke kindly to me.


yep happy and surprised.. I then would withdraw as I did not know how to respond , not good skills building for life
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Re: to not have expectations is not helpful advice

Postby jaus tail » Fri Sep 04, 2020 2:28 pm

Terry E. wrote:
jaus tail wrote:
Terry E. wrote:
I am always happily surprised when things work out..


for me I used to be super-excited when someone spoke kindly to me.


yep happy and surprised.. I then would withdraw as I did not know how to respond , not good skills building for life

i started craving external attention. n if i got it, i would act like high and mighty, like some royalty...
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Re: to not have expectations is not helpful advice

Postby LightOasis » Thu Sep 17, 2020 7:44 am

You are right my friend. Of course we all expect everything and everyone to do their role in our lives, we expect a father to be a father, a mother to be a mother, a sister so on and so forth but with this, don't you think we should also expect everything in this world to be not as perfect as we wanted them too because we too are not perfect to our role or purpose or whatever you call it? We should expect things to people but also as everything in this world we should also expect them to fail sometimes.
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Re: to not have expectations is not helpful advice

Postby jaus tail » Fri Sep 18, 2020 1:44 am

LightOasis wrote:You are right my friend. Of course we all expect everything and everyone to do their role in our lives, we expect a father to be a father, a mother to be a mother, a sister so on and so forth but with this, don't you think we should also expect everything in this world to be not as perfect as we wanted them too because we too are not perfect to our role or purpose or whatever you call it? We should expect things to people but also as everything in this world we should also expect them to fail sometimes.

failing and then learn from the mistake. if a friend fails you by publicly taunting you, realize you've been let down, recognize the red flag, and break the friendship, or seek an explanation--(mostly he'll divert the topic).... and then end the friendship...

when an expectation is not met, then be disappointed, and then take preventive action...
but when you live with the ideology:
expectation not met---it's ok, i never had any expectations... then you end up keeping urself open to being further treated like $#%^...
we are taught wrong...

a doc if fails the expectation.... unless negligent action is taken against the doc... the doc won't learn...

ps.... maybe i'm overreacting, but i have tremendous rage against my caretaker n the guy who abused me. ignoring their behavior sort of made me tolerant to being treated like $#%^ by colleagues and so called 'friends'.
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