by avatar123 » Wed Feb 12, 2020 2:52 am
Jaus Tail, I'm sorry you are going through this. I think at least some closure comes when you're able to see yourself apart from her influence. It takes time and a fundamental change in how you view yourself relative to her. It's difficult to do because as you said, her influence was such a large part of your formation. It may help to think about what should have been, instead of what was. You could think about how you would have conducted yourself in her position, in raising you and your siblings. In that way, you can maybe begin to build up your own idea of who you really are, independent of her.
Terry has already done this in a way, he's farther along in life and has raised his own family, without repeating his abuse. I'm sure he would tell you that's a learning experience. If you don't yet have that opportunity, you could perhaps participate in things that allow you to contribute in some way towards others. That's another way to begin to define who you really are.
It's obviously not a simple or trivial thing. I wish we didn't have to deal with it, but we do. Our interactions with others are altered and the best we can do is try to compensate for it, and learn from it.