I apologize if this topic has been spoken about many times before. I'm just feeling a little insecure about my abuse as a child, and was hoping for a bit of validation that I was, indeed, abused. I'd also like advice on what to do when I start questioning my abuse, if others have felt this way and if so what do you guys do about it?
I often feel my abuse is nothing compared to what others have gone through, and I really have no right to complain. I remember very few times my abuser actually hurt me, though the times I do remember still haunt me. Besides that, when he did hurt me it wasn't anything really bad like whipping or burning. More so, I recall living in fear of my abuser (though there were times where I openly defied him too, idk it's complicated) and him playing cruel jokes on me and belittling me. I think that's what hurt the most, was the belittling and living in fear of him. And, of course, having my trust betrayed multiple times although I knew full well his deceptive nature and probably shouldn't have believed him. However here is where I run into another problem, the emotional abuse. Although I recall him saying a lot of hurtful things to me it's hard to pinpoint any single one as an example. I recall a few instances, but can't remember them all. Even the few instances I recall of him saying something hurtful to me, I wonder, are they enough to claim emotional abuse? Or am I just being overly sensitive? Come to think of it, one of the things he said was how I was "too sensitive" when I got mad at him for poking fun of me.
TLDR: I sometimes question whether I can really say I was abused and if I was, do I really have the right to say it affected me badly enough to give me PTSD? Others have had it so much worse. Maybe I'm just being a big crybaby and need to learn to suck it up. Also, although I was abused, I wouldn't say that overall my childhood was that bad. If anything, I have quite a few fond memories of childhood and sometimes long to return to those days. Does this also invalidate my abuse? Was it not that bad if I have fond memories of that time as well? Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and answer. I'd like to know if others have gone through this as well and any tips they may have for dealing with it.