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Is it normal to be so afraid? *TW*

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Is it normal to be so afraid? *TW*

Postby RandomMelody » Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:52 pm

I was emotionally and psychologically abused by my grandmother for my entire life, so much so where I don’t remember all but 3 years of my life, spare a few snippets here and there. I didn’t realize this was abuse until about 3 months ago. I used to spend pretty much all of my time with her, as I came from a dysfunctional family. She convinced me that she was pretty much a saint, along with trying to make me think that men are monsters, that my parents are horrible people, and she told me at a very young age (13ish) that I should abandon all of my friends that wore makeup because they “were w*****s that had sex everyday”. She frequently guilted, gaslighted, neglected, withheld food, screamed at my siblings (which I’m extremely protective of), and insulted my parents. By frequently I mean multiple times a day. Once I realized what was going on I still had to see her because my mother (a teacher) had training and she had to drop us off at her house. It got so bad where I went totally numb and even *TW* tried to commit suicide, but couldn’t go forward with it once I started *TW*. I have had flashbacks, well I think I have. It’s not like I’m presently there, it’s like it’s playing in my head, but I can’t think about anything else and the details are very precise. For example I was watching a YouTube video and someone mentioned reusable napkins, and then all of my thoughts went away and it started playing this scene in my head and it didn’t feel like I was in the car, but it did at the same time...? It’s pretty hard to explain, but yeah. Now to get to the main topic of this post. I’m utterly terrified of that woman. Even if I see a car that slightly resembles hers, even in T.V shows, I’m paralyzed in fear. Once when me and my family went to her house and she came out to say hi to my siblings, it was a total flight-or-fight moment, I pretty much leaps into the front seat and curled up in a ball without realizing it. Not to mention when I think I’m safe, in my house, in my room, right as I wake up, she comes over and barges into my room and just watches me, or makes jokes about my feelings. And that makes me utterly afraid to even sleep. I can’t even even put into words how scared I am of her, and I don’t know why. *TW* She has touched me in inappropriate places and said things that you shouldn’t tell to someone who isn’t even an adult yet, and whose related to her. *TW* I honestly don’t know why I’m literally paralyzed in fear because of her, and I need some help.
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Re: Is it normal to be so afraid? *TW*

Postby jaus tail » Wed Aug 14, 2019 4:27 pm

i'm scared of my caretaker till now. n now i'm 30. i was hanging out with a few neighbors n then when she came down the lift, i froze. i study at a university n stay there so i dont have to live with her most of the time. she wouldnt allow us to use the toilet, would scream at us if we were unwell, but she'd also give us medicines n food.

her own parents were abusive n it was a cycle. staying away has helped me. but i also realize the world is a scary place to be.

its normal to be afraid. i dont believe one has to fight the bullies. even a lion runs away when confronted by 10 hyenas. so its wise to be afraid n look after urself.

there is this neighbor bully. i avoid him. i'd rather hang out with friends than confront some bully just to prove myself to myself.
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