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Is it normal to be so afraid? *TW*

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Is it normal to be so afraid? *TW*

Postby RandomMelody » Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:52 pm

I was emotionally and psychologically abused by my grandmother for my entire life, so much so where I don’t remember all but 3 years of my life, spare a few snippets here and there. I didn’t realize this was abuse until about 3 months ago. I used to spend pretty much all of my time with her, as I came from a dysfunctional family. She convinced me that she was pretty much a saint, along with trying to make me think that men are monsters, that my parents are horrible people, and she told me at a very young age (13ish) that I should abandon all of my friends that wore makeup because they “were w*****s that had sex everyday”. She frequently guilted, gaslighted, neglected, withheld food, screamed at my siblings (which I’m extremely protective of), and insulted my parents. By frequently I mean multiple times a day. Once I realized what was going on I still had to see her because my mother (a teacher) had training and she had to drop us off at her house. It got so bad where I went totally numb and even *TW* tried to commit suicide, but couldn’t go forward with it once I started *TW*. I have had flashbacks, well I think I have. It’s not like I’m presently there, it’s like it’s playing in my head, but I can’t think about anything else and the details are very precise. For example I was watching a YouTube video and someone mentioned reusable napkins, and then all of my thoughts went away and it started playing this scene in my head and it didn’t feel like I was in the car, but it did at the same time...? It’s pretty hard to explain, but yeah. Now to get to the main topic of this post. I’m utterly terrified of that woman. Even if I see a car that slightly resembles hers, even in T.V shows, I’m paralyzed in fear. Once when me and my family went to her house and she came out to say hi to my siblings, it was a total flight-or-fight moment, I pretty much leaps into the front seat and curled up in a ball without realizing it. Not to mention when I think I’m safe, in my house, in my room, right as I wake up, she comes over and barges into my room and just watches me, or makes jokes about my feelings. And that makes me utterly afraid to even sleep. I can’t even even put into words how scared I am of her, and I don’t know why. *TW* She has touched me in inappropriate places and said things that you shouldn’t tell to someone who isn’t even an adult yet, and whose related to her. *TW* I honestly don’t know why I’m literally paralyzed in fear because of her, and I need some help.
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Re: Is it normal to be so afraid? *TW*

Postby jaus tail » Wed Aug 14, 2019 4:27 pm

i'm scared of my caretaker till now. n now i'm 30. i was hanging out with a few neighbors n then when she came down the lift, i froze. i study at a university n stay there so i dont have to live with her most of the time. she wouldnt allow us to use the toilet, would scream at us if we were unwell, but she'd also give us medicines n food.

her own parents were abusive n it was a cycle. staying away has helped me. but i also realize the world is a scary place to be.

its normal to be afraid. i dont believe one has to fight the bullies. even a lion runs away when confronted by 10 hyenas. so its wise to be afraid n look after urself.

there is this neighbor bully. i avoid him. i'd rather hang out with friends than confront some bully just to prove myself to myself.
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Re: Is it normal to be so afraid? *TW*

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Oct 01, 2019 9:52 pm

I also agree it's a reasonable reaction to be frightened.

I tend to block things out but even in doing this I would get frightened of the abusers but not know why I was frightened.

My uncle abused me at age 4 and I was always frightened and intimidated by him. When his son abused my son when my son was also 4 (my son told me and I informed the authorities) I was paralyzed. I nearly had a breakdown, went into therapy and dealt with what happened to me as best I could but all those years of being frightened of him suddenly made sense.

At age 11 my friends brother abused me, he was about 18. I stopped going to her house when I realised, it didn't occur to me to stop going there for a while because of being so programmed to tolerate abuse. I blocked out what happened. At about 16 I went to her house, he had left home and I wasn't expecting him to be there and didn't consciously remember what he'd done anyway
He was here. I was paralyzed by fear again, I felt like the 11 year old that kept going to the house not realising I didn't have to - powerless, confused, frightened. I told my bf at the time and he beat the guy up and robbed him - which isn't "proper" justice but I didn't know about telling police, I was brought up to fear the police and only as an adult saw them as an option when I was drugged and r* at 19 - I thought I was drugged but I dunno I could of just blocked it but I knew something happened and I reported it. Due to being unable to recount the event properly he wasn't put to trial. I was on a train a couple of years later and he got on the train. I again was paralyzed by fear and had a panic attack when I got off the train.

So fear on seeing people who hurt you is a reasonable reaction. Also she's still around you alot so you're going to be on your guatd constantly, be hyper vigilant. Psychological and emotional abuse is a terrible thing. I'm frightened of women because of how my mother was.

My mother's family is like yours. Incredibly toxic and hates men. I was brought up to hate men. It was only in group therapy that I realised men are not all nasty scary monsters. Now I'm just frightened of women because of my mother. I'm not sure how to work on that. When I talk about abuse at home everyone assumes it must be just my dad but it wasn't, in many ways my mum was worse because it was her that did the daily psychological and emotional abuse. My dad has issues but he's no where near as vindictive as my mother. She is far more cruel and far more dangerous because she is very good at pretending to be the opposite. At about 8 I remember her talking with another mother about not hitting children and I said "you hit me yesterday" - I was in big big trouble for that because she liked to keep so much the perfect image of everything so even just something minor like that was not supposed to be said. When I told a school nurse about my dislocated hip she was livid. It was my mother that did all the making sure that nothing came out and making sure we were completely under her control - that takes alot of brainwashing and covert abuse.

So women imo can be alot worse and alot more scary because people don't want to believe that women are abusive but they are.

It's natural to be frightened. What help do you have outside of your family?
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