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Abusive parent

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Abusive parent

Postby bilbo012 » Wed May 15, 2019 8:54 am


I'm new to the forum, and need a bit of help.

My dad has always been argumentative and hot-tempered. This is made worse when he's had a drink. He has called me names and made horrible comments about me (e.g. my weight, my intelligence etc) and it has gone on as long as I can remember.

Recently I had finished a job contract and moved back in with my parents. Since then he's made comments about why I haven't got a job yet (I have been on several interviews), why can't I just go to the job centre and get a bar job, why am I spending money if I'm not earning etc. Last night, he asked if I was pissed (I had a few drinks yes, but was sitting quietly and not making a show) and then started shouting about not having a job, and that I am being snobby about getting a bar job (I have a PhD, and would be far too overqualified) and why I haven't got a job with my 'fancy qualification'. Then my mum came and stood up for me, and my dad tried to act the victim saying 'yet again I'm the villian' as if everyone was attacking him

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place; up until now, I have kept my dad at arms length to protect myself. Now I can't get away so easily from his abuse
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Re: Abusive parent

Postby quietgirl2538 » Sun May 19, 2019 9:36 am

Hi bilbo012 and welcome to Psych Forums...

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such verbal abuse from your dad. I used to go through that with my mom. So, I understand the feeling. I would try my best, back in my teenage years, to not be home when she was there. It's hard to do, I know. I hope you get a job really soon. I know that's important for you and it's not always so easy to do.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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ADD (not the hyperactive kind)
*I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable :D
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Re: Abusive parent

Postby Terry E. » Wed May 22, 2019 3:32 am

I agree with quiet .. and another thing that worked for me was having something else in my life, some other interest so that after such interaction I did not ruminate on it but could mentally distract myself/ escape to happier thoughts.

Also remind yourself this is not forever..
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Re: Abusive parent

Postby RenAmamiya » Sun May 26, 2019 4:44 am

I was like you 19 years ago, when was still a teen. Be patient. If I could turn back the time, I would involve an adult like a school counselor for help. Your parent wouldn't dare to hurt you if others know their wrongdoings. Or at least they will be more careful to abuse you.

The problem with abusive parent is the fact they will ruin their child's future later on. Like the children will lack of social skills, take drugs, lack of self confidence and more.
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