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Surviving a psychopath. Why my father did this thing? *TW*

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Surviving a psychopath. Why my father did this thing? *TW*

Postby AwakeAndReal » Mon Dec 17, 2018 2:36 am

Hello everyone.

My story is a bit long, like, I believe, most of you.

At this moment of my life (male / 35 years old) I am connecting actions that happened since I have conscious, and I concluded that I have been living continuous lies and reality alterations.

I found out that my father is (so far) a psychopath and narcissism. I have been studying deeply for the past months, almost a year, the behaviors that come along with this type of people; and finally, after many years (+5) of suicide attempts, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, and antidepressants, I found out that my unfortunate life was developed and systematically created by the oppressor. Was not biological.

Most of his behaviors clicked my mind, but there is one that has been circling my head and can't find a proper reason to why he did it (I might think I know why, but I won't tell you so I don't contaminate your responses)

I have two more brothers (34 and 32) that I am trying my best to help. Analyzing deeply the words and tone they use (they send me Whatsapp voice), I undoubtedly know that they still worship him. As you might guess, their lives are at the moment destroyed, almost as was mine.

And something I remember when I was pretty young (I was around 6 years old) and happened for many years, that my father used to beat us (as you might guess, most of the time for no reason, he just ran to where we were and start doing it) and after we were there crying, he used to demand us that we smile at him.

So it was obviously painful because, for one part, I needed to take out my shirt because it touches my open wounds in my back (he normally used his belt), which I couldn't because he would get more mad, but at the same time we needed to smile and laugh after been beaten. When he got tired to watch and finally lefts, we started crying without smiling.

Something else. After this scenario and if he was doing something like gardening (you might also guess, we lived in a very far place with around 3 neighbors at most, you can make someone scream to death or even kill someone and no one will ever notice) he used to beat us all the way where he was working and he did the same: demand us to smile at him, stand like a meter behind him and watch him work. This could last for, maybe 1 or at most 2 hours. If he listened that we weren't smiling, we were crying or did the slightest move, he turned and beat us again (this last part didn't happen so often)

So my question is: why he demanded us to smile (and seldom laugh) at him? He could just have beaten us, enjoy and leave, but why he made us pretend (I think) that we were having a good time?

So again, I am trying to connect things that can help me gather information, for my peace of mind and to help my brothers.

Thanks a ton!
Last edited by quietgirl2538 on Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Added trigger warning; no other changes
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Re: Surviving a psychopath. Why my father did this thing? *TW*

Postby Terry E. » Sat Dec 22, 2018 8:22 pm

Firstly sorry this happened. What happened to you is extreme abuse and much rarer than you might think. Extreme.

Your father is was quite insane, not the depressed mental illness, BPD, BP, but the old fashioned insane. You described him as a narcissist. They are actually called sadistic narcissists. They are recognized as a separate catergory. Can be mother or father. Behavior that I have seen is very similar. Beat a child until it tells them they love her.

The answers you sought.
He was trying to get absolute control of you. The breaking of you mentally not just physically. I honestly don't know which one they enjoy the most.

I think I have wasted too much of my life trying to understand her. Now I have mentally cut myself off from her, and I have not feeling to her at all. How society lets these monsters have control of children is one of societies great shames. Was back in the 1800s still is today.

I commend you for going through that and coming out to where you are today. Odds on you were being set up for lifelong institutionalization. People will not know how you survived that but you did. I really hope you and your brothers managed to avoid it.

Can I ask where are your brothers now and what happened to your mother.

What did your father do for a job.
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