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Backing off for a while

Open Discussions About Child Abuse

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Backing off for a while

Postby Terry E. » Thu Aug 09, 2018 3:59 am

Last night my wife and I had an argument. It started between her and my stubborn son and when I quietly told him to simply leave it her paranoia kicked in and she thought I had taken sides. This brought out something I had only ever seen in my mother and as it was such a sudden shock I simply reacted. Luckily nothing physical happened but much relationship damage was done. Not sure how it can be repaired. I always knew she was a high functioning survivor. Her brother is ... I was about to use the word basket case, which on Psychology forums is probably not appropriate, but it is true. Her youngest brother is highly intelligent, has great EQ and basically works customer service for a Telco. One up from call centre work he did with them for 20 years. I always knew she could not come through that unscathed .. there is the hoarding (collecting) which accompanies the buying of stuff she does not need, but I think she has actually coped very well. I have developed some suspicions on what may have happened to her these last few years, and the evidence keeps mounting. I think it was very bad.

Anyway she has coped very well by boxing it and stuffing it down. Me being here at times has me looking in places and having an interest that is contrary to her being happy. Non happy wife, crash burn -oldest son, youngest with medical needs all the emotional support he can get, so it is coming down to thinking that I am throwing sand against the hurricane here while I should be patching and plastering my leaking boat back home.

So rather a long way of saying I will be pulling back and not being as visible. I will stick check daily but will probably only engage with advice occasionally.
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Re: Backing off for a while

Postby avatar123 » Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:05 am

Terry, sorry that has happened and hope things will be better in the future. I can understand how being here might be therapeutic for you, but a source of mystery and annoyance and discomfort for your family. I've had similar reactions.

You're of course right to put your family first. Being a survivor is not easy, living with one either. It takes time and care and attention. I'm sure you will do well by providing that to your family, as you have for others here as well.

You've helped so many people here, please let us know if we can support you in any way. No problem with some of the love flowing back in your direction. Your insights will be greatly missed, for sure.
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Re: Backing off for a while

Postby seabreezeblue » Thu Aug 09, 2018 8:02 pm

big big hugs Terry, absolutely understand why you need to take some time out - take as long as you need and be gentle with yourself <3
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Re: Backing off for a while

Postby Terry E. » Thu Aug 09, 2018 8:29 pm

Avatar Sea, thanks, life is returning to normal and I am have some stuff to work on here and it needs fixing. Thank you both very much.
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Re: Backing off for a while

Postby smurf » Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:33 pm

No words, but offering hugs

Take care Terry
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Re: Backing off for a while

Postby quietgirl2538 » Sat Aug 11, 2018 12:32 pm

Hugs Terry! You do what you must to take care of family first. We will be here when you come back. Take good care of yourself.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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