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Sisters and I dealing with an alcoholic mum

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Sisters and I dealing with an alcoholic mum

Postby Wonton » Wed Dec 27, 2017 2:25 pm

Hello I’m just posting this as me and my sisters (9 yr old, 12 yr old and 17yrs old. I’m 13) have been dealing with an alcoholic Mum for years. My dad used to live at my house with my Mum but due to my mums drinking, her and my dad always have fights and it’s caused my dad to move back to Indonesia (his home country) and live there.

My mum can be nice in the day sometimes but is always stressed because of the amount of work she has to do for four kids and it gets worse in the night when she starts to drink. Me and my sisters always offer to help out around the house and she always says no but then when she starts to drink she screams, swears and shouts at us for never helping out or doing the smallest thing like leaving our water in the kitchen. She’s never apologised once and in the morning when we look like we have been crying she says “what’s wrong” like nothing ever happened. For some reason she screams and shouts at me the most saying things like “###$ you”, “I don’t give a $#%^ if your crying”, “###$ of” , “your thoughts are just stupid” etc and it does hurt me even though I try not to let it.

Also every single time a celebration that involves presents comes up like her birthday or Christmas, we have to get her the perfect present or else she will shout at us every night and complain about not getting what she wants. This year she wanted an Apple Watch and we couldn’t afford it and now she’s started crying at night time, complaining that a present from kikki k isn’t good enough. She cry’s to try to make us feel bad and always has to be right in every conversation. If we mention that she’s said something bad to us she says “don’t try to make up this $#%^” and always says “don’t make up excuses” if we can’t do something beyond our capability. She also always mocks us and claps so loudly when she shouts which scares my little sisters a lot. I also make every one of my meals, take care of myself, look after my sisters and she still complains that I do nothing.

I have no idea what to do because she’s the only parent in our house and I don’t want to get taken away from my home if we have to get her out. Sorry if this forum sounds stupid or doesn’t make sense? I just need some advice on dealing with her.
Wonton
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Re: Sisters and I dealing with an alcoholic mum

Postby Terry E. » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:58 pm

Hi, sorry you feel like you need to be here but glad you found us. This is a quiet time here on the forum but you will get some replies. Your post is among the hardest to deal with as a child with a single abusive/neglectful parent your options are very limited. I will give it more thought later as to exactly what I can tell you. I will tell you though that my childhood was very similar as was one of my best friends. I wish I had someone who could have talked to me when I was your age, I think my life would have been very different.

Long way of saying please check back later and see what we can come up with.
Terry E.
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Re: Sisters and I dealing with an alcoholic mum

Postby Terry E. » Fri Dec 29, 2017 6:02 am

As I said these are about the hardest to do but here goes. First there is no magic answer and I think you know that. Many of us were where you are now, so although I cannot give you anything to help you fix your mum's behavior I can give you some advice.

First try and keep a relationship with your sisters. Sometimes (often such mother's will divide the children). So try and keep that relationship as strong as you can. Be there for them.

Set goals for your future. Try and get the best education you can.

Try and have some really solid friends outside the house. Yeah I know such a mother tends to make us outliers, but be open to friendship.

Try and find some simple joy. Music books film, sport. Find something that can give you joy.

Is there any relatives you can visit who show their love and give you a safe place even for a few hours ??

and lastly my friend and I became very successful in business (she is super successful) and did it honestly with integrity, married for a long time, nice kids. We both pretty well have what we want and way more than anyone would have ever thought. (we were both written off by society) So you can come out of this, but right now it will be a struggle.

I really wish you and your sisters the best.
Terry E.
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