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Healing Wounds- support for abuse survivors

Open Discussions About Child Abuse

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Re: Healing Wounds- support for abuse survivors

Postby darkavenger » Sat Jul 27, 2013 3:28 pm

I just found this forum while reminiscing about the extra super abusive psycho-bitch that called herself my mother. Sometimes the ugly memories pop up out of nowhere and the rage takes me over. It reminds me of how much I still hate her guts even though she's been dead for over 23 years. Then the guilt and self loathing takes over. That's probably because I truly wanted to kill her for years. So, this has left me with a complex of guilt and personality issues that I manage. Healing? Nah.. You just learn to deal and survive with it somehow over time...albeit with baggage, issues and difficulty in relationships I decided to look around for a forum to vent on. Maybe that will be somewhat therapeutic.

The thing about an abusive parent is that they are the main authority figure in a child's life. The really diabolical abusers stay away from the physical attacks. My mother rarely if ever got physical. Why bother? That takes work. When you can destroy your helpless victim emotionally, day after day for years and years - it's far cleaner. Nobody is going to try and rescue a victim who just has hidden emotional scars. Physical abuse leaves evidence that can be detected. Then the scars only appear if the kid acts maladjusted and disturbed .. had a personality disorder. Nobody looks at the parent then. My father was long gone by the time I was born. So I was left to fend for myself.

Child Abuser 101: - Being the main authority figure - the abuser always - always uses the guilt tactic as their first line of attack. It's always the victim's fault for "making" the abuser's conduct. It's always the same tactic - The Abuser portrays themselves as The Victim - only reacting and only responding to their victim's sins and crimes. When I was as young as 5 or 6 years old, I remember good ol' Mom would wrap up one of her regular 5 or 6 hour sessions of wild, vicious screaming verbal assaults with a cute little act, She would go to the telephone and pretend to be calling the police to come over and take me away forever. Of course, this was for some heinous crime I had committed, like not doing the housework properly or some such offense. Convinced I was being abandoned and taken away by the police for being such an evil child, I would start to cry and beg her to let me stay. If only she wouldn't abandon me and turn me over to the cops, I would be good. I would do anything to atone.

This left me with some pretty nasty abandonment issues - along with the train load of other types of baggage that developed over the years, including rage and guilt.
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Re: Healing Wounds- support for abuse survivors

Postby tryingtocope2 » Thu Aug 01, 2013 10:45 am

hi darkavenger,
Thank you for sharing. A forum like this is a great place to vent. Let it all out. It does help. Yes, abusers have the same M.O. They claim to be the victim. I guess it eases their guilt. In their mind they either imagine or recount all the ways they were mistreated or misunderstood. It plays constantly in their mind. Then, with all the anger they have inside they lash out. You could simply ask them a simple question and you may get either a harsh word back or something thrown at you for no reason. The thing of it is, you have to ask yourself the question" Do you want to be the victim the rest of your life? I know the memories seem fresh in your mind but 23 years is a long time to be the victim since it is you who are victimizing yourself. You cannot allow those demons to haunt you. You have to let it go. Forgiveness is the only way. I know that is hard to do but you must forgive and let it go.
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Re: Healing Wounds- support for abuse survivors

Postby CDO not OCD » Sun Nov 17, 2013 8:25 pm

sundyer wrote:I have to tell everyone that the most amazing Book I've ever read completely changed the way I live my life.
It was the first time i've been able to think about my past in a way that made me not feel like a victim.
It was called The Sculptor in the Sky by Teal Scott.

http://www.amazon.com/Sculptor-Sky-Teal ... 1456747258

i highly recommend this book to everyone. Especially survivors.
The author survived 13 years of ritual torture.
And So, her brain works in the same way other survivor's brains work. she was able to heal... Amazing!

I don't see how to look at it any other way (victim) I wasn't the one doing the ass kicking.... :?
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Re: Healing Wounds- support for abuse survivors

Postby salted lipstick » Mon Nov 18, 2013 2:30 am

CDO not OCD wrote:I don't see how to look at it any other way (victim) I wasn't the one doing the ass kicking.... :?


The implied choice is between looking at it as a victim or as a survivor. Not between as a victim or an abuser. :wink:

People see looking at it as a victim as sometimes being a disempowering way to view yourself and your recovery, whereas the emphasis on being a survivor of something is on seeing the strength with which you have and can come through the experience. Hopefully that helps it make more sense to you.
In a way, I am not defined by my dissociation. In a way, I am.

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Re: Healing Wounds- support for abuse survivors

Postby Terry E. » Mon Nov 18, 2013 3:10 am

SL I agree.. if you can go through what many of us went through, and not wind up mad or in jail, then you are a huge success

we should not judge our lives by the lives of others,

to have made it through, and get on with our lives takes huge courage,

abuser never

victim no more

I am tough, a survivor but one with compassion for others
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Re: Healing Wounds- support for abuse survivors

Postby Forever Alone » Sun Aug 02, 2015 1:28 pm

In my case, my father was good but my mother was a real devil. She used to shout and beat me almost everyday on petty issues. She would say "You are no worth" and humiliated me in front of neighbours. She completely destroyed my self-confidence, self-esteem and intelligence. I become introvert and developed shuttering. I have no friend in this world because I can not talk with people properly. I have social phobia. People say that I have less mind though I was good in studies.

You know what worse she did with me. She married me with an illiterate and quarrelsome woman. I am 32 years old, I am timid, submissive and she is still ruling my life because she is my mother.
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