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Maladaptive daydreaming...?

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Maladaptive daydreaming...?

Postby someonelikeyou645 » Wed Jul 10, 2013 5:03 pm

Had no idea where to put this, so sorry if I'm in the wrong place.
I just wanted to talk about my childhood to gain understanding and perhaps feel like less of a freak.

I've recently heard about maladaptive daydreaming. I think it really describes me as a child (and was probably a result of childhood 'abuse' i don't know...)

But I think my thing was a little different from MD. It was like a entire false reality that I lived in and merged with real life. Not only was it a false 'reality' I had an alterego that I identified with extremely - that alterego was me. I would interact with people while pretending to be this 'other me'.

But what's scary is that as a child I felt that my 'other me' was more real than the real me. I didn't feel like I was anything. I felt like I was nothing. I didn't know me. But I knew the other me way better. My alter ego was obviously a fantasy but I often pretended it wasn't. At the end of the day I realised that in this world I couldn't say anything about it. But my alternate reality was often more real to me than real life. I would walk down the street absorbed in this world. I would often live my life pretending I was this other person. I tried to conceal this from others but deep inside I was identifying and acting as my alter ego.
Instead of going to the supermarket with my mum I was actually going on a mission as my alterego. My teddies were other characters. I'd spend hours in my room acting out this thing in my head.

Movies would often trigger huge fantasies but the fact that I'd pretend they were happening in my head and ignore reality is what makes it different. If people addressed me, I pretended they were addressing my alterego.

So is this normal for Maladaptive daydreaming? Does anyone know what it is? Please answer and talk to me about it, thanks :)
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Re: Maladaptive daydreaming...?

Postby SREDISKRAD » Wed Jul 10, 2013 5:40 pm

Hi, I too can associate as having this maladaptive daydreaming, although I know which me is me and which me is my 'character'. I would possibly say this sounds like multiple personality, but you seem to know when your 'acting'. I too know the other me more than I know myself.

Do you have a certain fantasy world/certain characters or is it whatever you come up with? Are there any other triggers?

I don't know if this is part of it but when I listen to music I pretend I'm actually in front of a live audience and mouth along, although I use more expression and have a tendency to either play along with the guitar or use my hands for more emphasis.

I wouldn't say I was abused as a child, unless you call self abuse as a child child abuse, I'm only 16 so I can't say it's over yet...I still do beat myself up verbally and physically, although that belongs in the self harm forums. My relationship with my parents was good until 2 years ago, now its very confrontational, I wouldn't say my maladaptive daydreaming's gotten worse, just more enjoyable.
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Re: Maladaptive daydreaming...?

Postby someonelikeyou645 » Wed Jul 10, 2013 11:07 pm

Multiple personality? Idk, this was in my childhood. I am also 16, and as I got older and older it became less frequent but I would still slip into it occasionally. As I became a preteen & a teenager I realised it wasn't normal and was able to make a conscuous decision to stop. This has a lot to do with the fact that my 'alterego' was of the opposite gender. Yeah I know very weird. So did I have gender identity disorder? I never knew that could just go away, but I made a decision to just leave the alterego behind because I knew I needed to make myself more feminine and focus on that. Thank god I could. I wouldn't want to be transgendered. It would make life way too difficult for me.

I had a certain fantasy world yes, and yeah certain characters. Although in this world anything could happen, I could do anything. I often had loads of adventures which were influenced by movies I watched. My alterego was kind of 'perfect'. He was really attractive and successful, all the girls wanted him. He was a good 'father' to my teddies who had their own characters. (Omg how embarrassing).
He was insanely multitalented. I would often give interviews in front of a mirror and this alterego was a very huge celebrity. I remember pretending my friend was in a relationship with my alterego but I never told her. This is an example of me living out the fantasy in real life. I let the two blend

So yeah... That's me. A freak. But not anymore. I identify as a female.
Hmmm... Self abuse as a child? That's gotta come from somewhere. You must have had some kind of negative upbringing as a child. Most likely you just aren't aware of it. The littlest things when you are very young can have extremely scarring impacts. In fact it wasn't until very recently that I finally realised that I was in fact abused as a child. For so so long I had believed it was something wrong that I had done. I had been tormented with guilt for so much of my childhood and felt like such an awful person. But in fact it was abuse. Sometimes you just don't realise these things.
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Re: Maladaptive daydreaming...?

Postby SREDISKRAD » Thu Jul 11, 2013 2:48 pm

well, I was severely tormented in school over my disabilities, and in fact, mine is a flawed character. I also have massive conflicting interests, I have no intentions of being in a relationship and my imaginary alter ego is married... I made him more a dark and broken character, reflects my life but in a fantasy world. I give him powers and corrupt him, then I punish him for his crimes and remove his powers...then I build him back up as a more humble character but with more enemies...

I did take influence from lots of memories, and most of it was from one of my childhood 'heroes'. Most of the fantasy element is built from a lot of dragons and draconic elements, because I adored Spyro when I was young. There is only once when I hated a game with him in (Skylanders :evil:). I didn't change gender, it is more an escape from the reality that my life is boring.

most of the negativity I placed upon myself, My parents are very supporting and try to be as positive as possible, but I'm so negative that I made the house feel depressed. The school torment wasn't any better, but admitting I'm Asexual in school doesn't help, not in an all boys school anyways :lol:.
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Re: Maladaptive daydreaming...?

Postby Ada » Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:16 pm

I do think this seems a little different to Maladaptive Daydreaming. It seems like a protective method to separate yourself from the painful [or risky] parts of the world.

As I experience MD, it's the inability to pull myself out of a fantasy world that I create whenever I'm able to do so. The fantasy and alter ego aspects are the same. But I don't integrate it with my daily life. So I don't interact with people as my fantasy persona. It's more about avoidance, I think, than protection.

Not a freak. :D You were just doing what it took to get through life. Good for you for looking after yourself like that. And for stopping too. [I haven't yet managed that. And I'm in my forties and have been doing it since my teens.]

As for your alter ego being another gender. That could be because you associated that with being stronger or better protected? Or simply that you're an open-minded individual and able to see positive aspects of the various possibilities.


I relate to having a flawed character too, SREDISKRAD. For me, that allows me to express and explore more in my fantasy world than would be possible if everything was perfect. Seems like you might be doing similar?
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