As a fit, active male, at 43 was diagnosed with colorectal cancer, stage 2. At that time, my life went downhill, thinking i was going die anyway, i contemplated suicide a few times. Cancer of the anus, and a tumor the size of a tennis ball. Test after test, i got more depressed ans scared.
I had major surgery after a few weeks of testing, my weight dropped to 55kg, with clothes and boots on!
Before surgery, i had 6 weeks of radio and chemo.
After surgery, i woke up in intensive care, then a few days later, relized i was half the man i used to be.
The reality of my surgery sank in, and i woke up to find myself missing a few bits, (pelvic exenteration)? removal of the entire contents of my pelvis. I had removed, my entire larger bowel, my bladder, my prostate, and my anus cut out, and sewn up. Woke up with two stomas on my belly.
Well, i tried to roll over and die, but the staff would not let me. I was was so depressed. So in came all the phycs and doctors, pumped me with more drugs till i changed my mind.
That was two and a half years ago now, while there are many i things can't do anymore,(lost my sex life too, due to prostate removal), even it if it means caring for the two ostomy bags i have hanging from my stomach. I just have outdoor plumbing now.
Since the surgery, i have been on Cymbalta for anti depresant, and diazapam daily, on a good day, none. On a bad day, 4 or 5.
Although i feel like my life as i knew it, has been cut short, I am depressed, but very grateful for the second chance i have been given.
Some days a better than others.
Just my short story.