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Bullied due to miscarriages.

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Bullied due to miscarriages.

Postby ubsanguine66 » Thu Dec 31, 2020 11:54 pm

In the past I've suffered many miscarriages. I had had cancer and as a child I was molested. I suspect these unfortunate things from my past may have caused me to miscarry all those times. IDK.
I am of a strong personality and I don't put up with crap from people. But..my family gave me so much to hurt over when I lost my babies(unborn while pregnant), it was like they blamed me or that since I didn't give birth to a live birth It didn't count. My mother said "oh, too bad, whatcha worried about, I was always trying to get rid of em (her pregnancies) why are you so attached?" Besides she added: "All the more attention for me!" That was her response to my last loss at 18 weeks pg. My brothers wife and cousins wife each have 3 babies (all under 6) and when we have gatherings they ALWAYS talk childbirth and spend most gatherings "shop talking" breast feeding and comparing notes on their pregnancies and birth while ignoring me but staring in my direction. I am no dumb ass and I know they have a full right to talk but they are always staring at me as if hoping for a sad response. I am not upset by any women talking about her babies birth - I actually enjoy hearing stories. But, these ladies try to exclude me when I am right there. I ignore them but it hurts to be so obviously excluded. Now once I realized I just couldn't give birth due to not being able to carry to full term, I decided to get the show on the road and turn the page. I've adopted my kids and I am extremely happy to be a mom and I'm over my years of miscarriages and failure after failure - that pain has dissipated. But I am ostracized still. My mother likes to tell me that I'm "Not a real mother" and I'll "Never be a real mother." Again, I don't let her know she's getting to me, I've just stopped talking to her - maybe for life. My Aunts & Uncles make comments too. They do not allow my stories to take up any space at the family table. My children are not treated poorly but they are also not treated as the "real children" are. My brothers kids are bragged about and the gifts are bigger and more expensive. But, I get to love my kids and they get to love me back. But I feel exhausted and excluded and hurt due to the bullying. In my family you make money and have perfect children who perform in sports or get good grades or you deserve no recognition. They are pretty sickening. I need more and I'm never going to get it from them. For me, acceptance and inclusion has always been a little bit hard to find. I'm not some wallflower or antisocial who has no friends. But, I'm lonely due to bullies.
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Re: Bullied due to miscarriages.

Postby Snaga » Fri Jan 01, 2021 12:49 am

Speaking for myself, I think I would find myself a replacement, for my family. If they're always going to treat you second-class, then I think I would... show them that that highway runs in two directions.
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