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Is my aspie a bully?

Open Discussions on the Problems of Bullying.

Is my aspie a bully?

Postby wiserlady » Tue Oct 13, 2020 12:08 am

Please read all of this before you form any opinion ..

I am a woman of 63, I am physically disabled with bad health, this is a condition I have for life.
It started five years ago, before that I was fine. I have to cope with it by being housebound, it is hard to get out, I rely on my aspie partner to take me out sometimes. Othewise I am stuck at home
having to sit and read or write or watch tv all day while he is at work. I am not a stupid or lazy person, I used to own and run a successful business with a lot of staff, but am not up to it now.
My world, when he is out at work, is just being here alone. Because we do not have friends or family around here and I cannot do much I have to make do with things that are not physically demanding to do until he comes back in the evening.
I have been getting so bored and lonely, very depressed, and I started to chat in a chat room sometimes. The downside to that is that a lot of the guys are just after sex chat - but I block those -.
I have told my guy about how I chat there, that I am that bored and lonely that I need contact with the outside world (he is the only person I ever see or speak to otherwise for weeks on end).
But he just does not get it and constantly picks holes in it. He says thngs like WHAT IS THE POINT OF IT. IT IS A WASTE OF TIME? what does it achieve? You could say the same about watching tv or reading a book! Sometimes he comes in from work - wher ehe has been chatting to people all day - and rings someone for a chat. YOu could say what is the point?! But that is different.
I explain over and over that I get so lonely and bored I need to chat to someone. eight hours is a long time to just sit there every day. But he keeps nit picking at it. aS IF IT IS WRONG. as if I need his permission. I say look. I have nothing else I can do other than books and tv, I want more interaction with people and I get very b ored. Its not as if I am wasting time, I have eight hours to kill. It dos not matter what I say or how often I repeat it he still comeds bacfk to how he doeds not understand and needs me to explain it again and again.
IF i get so depressed that I ring the samaritans and tell him it is the same. What was the 0point he said. What did it achieve? He does not get that for half an hyour I felt less lonely and a bit better. That was the point!
Please dont suggest I spend my time online or doing jigsaws and all taht stuff, have already thought of all those things and they are not me. This is about wanting human contact anyway.
IF I have to choose a jigsw or a book I would always prefer the book.
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Re: Is my aspie a bully?

Postby thegentlepath » Fri Oct 16, 2020 5:42 pm

Hi wiserlady,

Sorry I don’t have an answer. Maybe he is a bully, maybe he isn’t a bully. What I do know: he’s allowed to have his own opinions & he’s allowed to have different opinions from you. Arguing about it probably won’t change his opinions & might even cause him to cling to his opinions more tightly.

Of course, these are just my opinions & I could be completely wrong. Good luck.
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Re: Is my aspie a bully?

Postby jaus tail » Sun Oct 18, 2020 6:11 pm

My flatmate once told me, u dont make good food.
After that i stopped making food for him and whenever he asked that he's making food, would i eat. i refused.

a few times he passed remarks which i felt were condescending, so i stopped going for walks with him.

ideally you should be able to tell him without any fear of judgment or inhibition that: ur comment of 'what is the point' is hurting me. please dont repeat such comments.

what is a point for him and what is a point for you... its all relative and different for different people.

also not everything has to have a point.

with me, i felt nervous to tell my flatmate that his comments were condescending, and the very fact that i felt nervous is a big RED FLAG for me and i avoided him from the next day.
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Re: Is my aspie a bully?

Postby m0nsterb3rry » Mon Aug 02, 2021 8:05 pm

Based on your description I would say no. At least not in regards to what you spoke of. A failure to understand is not bullying. You said he acted as though you needed his permission, yet you didn't mention at any point him refusing to allow you to do what you wanted. It was more as if you were acting as though you needed his permission. He doesn't have to understand. If he isn't insulting you in any way for your desire to socialize or psychically/mentally harming you in other ways due to your difference of perception then he isn't bullying you. Now, if you were to insult/belittle him because he cannot understand you then that could be argued as bullying.
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