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I got pigged at 12 and it ruined my life

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I got pigged at 12 and it ruined my life

Postby padmè » Sat Jul 21, 2018 6:51 pm

Hi everyone, I'm a 25 years old female and I'm writing from Italy. I'm also active in the BPD subforum because I suspect that I may fit the criteria (my T says I don't, though). I think my problems arose in middle school, when I was labelled as the ugliest girl in the class. I was essentially a shy, over-achieving nerd; I was bad at sports and no one wanted me in their team during physical education classes. However, things started to go very bad when my classmates organized a "pull a pig" prank for me. I was in love with this classmate, D., and everyone knew that. He asked me out and told me he loved me, asking me to become his gf. I was enthusiastic... Turns out it was a prank. That boy had just teased the ugliest girl in the class - me. I was hurt because we used to be friends and play videogames at another friend's place once a weak. I felt shattered. This lasted for a whole year.
The whole class started to bully me: no one greated me in the morning; they left on my table S.Valentine's cards, with insults written inside. They called me names, and the teachers didn't do anything. I felt annihilated. I still can't get over it. Even though I've had real relationships, I've never truly believed that someone could like me. Anyone can relate?
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Re: I got pigged at 12 and it ruined my life

Postby sakura1 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 9:08 am

I didn't know what that means until very recently i saw a show with a girl. But the guy slept with her. So he was sexually attracted to her,he just didn't want to admit it to others because he was an asshole.
In school my classmates were assholes,they were rumors of being the worse class.
If someone tried to do that i would probably suspect it and said no to not go out because i knew they were assholes .i don't remember well but i think i said no to someone because i was suspecting he wasn't serious.
(At some point i realized that they were bullying eachother in a way also and not just others,if you looked more carefully you would see they were not good happy friends )
I was an ugly kid at 10 and no matter how much i changed and learn to fix myself this feeling never goes away.
I didn't have emotional support and correct guidance from my family either.

If i could do it again i regret my need to belong with what is popular.
I should have choose the kinder person with no shame.but proudly.
Now that i know how to fix myself better in order to belong ,i don't want them.but yeah the feeling doesn't go away
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Re: I got pigged at 12 and it ruined my life

Postby padmè » Mon Jul 23, 2018 9:15 am

Thank you !
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Re: I got pigged at 12 and it ruined my life

Postby Cassandre » Tue Jul 24, 2018 8:27 pm

I have been bullied for most of my time at school. I would fall loosely in the overachieving nerd category too, though not very shy.

I find that bullies go for whatever weaknesses they imagine you may have, based on insecurities they may have. If they're insecure about their looks, they'll tell you you're ugly, if they feel mediocre, they'll say you're lazy, if they feel disgusting, they'll say you're repulsive.

It doesn't have to be true, it's mostly about them passing their feelings onto you, and bringing you to their primitive level of emotions.

While I have been made to feel unlovable during those years, I realized ultimately that none of their statements about me held any form of predictive qualities. So, yes I can relate, but those little voices in your head whispering things about your lack of self-worth, that's you keeping the abuse going inside your head in a way.
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Re: I got pigged at 12 and it ruined my life

Postby padmè » Sat Jul 28, 2018 5:19 pm

Man, I'm starting to envy women and girls who are sexually objectified... When I was in middle school, the boys used to talk about which girls in the class they would like to f*ck... But when they talked about me, they always talked trash... told that I was ugly and that no one would ever want to make love to me (yes, they talked about sexuality during middle school and it was quite traumatizing). On a rational level, I know that those beautiful girls were bullied too, but in another way... I know they suffered... Nevertheless, I envied them. And still I do. I've always had to rely on my personality, intellect and interests in order to find a boyfriend... I've had some pretty good relationships... But that hunger, the hunger for validation about my appearance, never went away. And now it's too late, I'm 25 and I'll never be the "most f*ckable girl in school"... My current boyfriend loves me but he loves my whole personality and not only my looks... I need validation about my looks... I would like to be a trophy girlfriend... I want to be appreciated and loved ONLY for my looks, my body, my hair... I want to be an object of desire. I don't want to be the "ugliest girl in school". And yet I'll always be.
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Re: I got pigged at 12 and it ruined my life

Postby DavidH5 » Sat Sep 11, 2021 7:50 pm

I had to make an account just to say this. I'm really sorry this happened to you, I am a young man (21) and have been bullied and very insecure about my looked my whole life so I know how you feel and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. However you do deserve love and I am confident that you can find it. I have yet to meet anyone who isn't beautiful in my life, you just need to find sombody who sees you as beautiful. Everyone has different standards and just because you aren't attractive by normal standards doesn't mean you aren't attractive at all. I know this all probably sounds like empty words but I hope it helps you in some way and I really really hope you find some people to help you get your feet back under you.

There is a poem called "To this day" by Shane Koyczan that really resonated with me on this topic and it's on YouTube. Worth a watch 100% (trigger warning though it talks quite in depth about bulllying and briefly mentions suicide)

I really do wish you the best of luck and hope you can find a way to treasure yourself. And regardless I will treasure you from overseas :)

-your friend in Canada, Dave
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