Struggling in recovery

I've had ed for 20 years now, went to tx multiple times, years of therapy. I just began actually recovery on my own, Havent purged in about 3 weeks now. I'm proud of myself, however i've already gained weight and my stomach is bloated and i have visions of being obese. Ive stopped purging but have never learned self control, im still overeating. I need advice and help! I've been keeping a food log (including calories), comforting myself in the thought what i ate can be worked into the day. Im just losing my mind bc my ed began at 15 bc i was obese and verbally abused horribly 24/7. My brain is telling me if i stop ed im going to return to that! I know its not true but its SO hard! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Hi and welcome.

First off well done trying to recover again. It's so hard especially doing it on your own.
I find eating slowly and sipping on water while eating can help stop me overeating. Also, keeping myself as busy as I can so that I'm not picking at food all day.
Feel free to write/vent or whatever you need here.
I myself am still trying to recover but I'm struggling bc I've gained a lot of weight due to physical health problems. But I'm trying to remind myself that I can be healthy again, I deserve it. And so do you!

Willow

Thanks weepingwillow. Its SO hard! What i dont want to admit is that the only reason i rebegan serious recovery is that i lost my ability to purge and i go new teeth! Im so proud of my teeth, after 20 years of ed and a decade of addiction (clean 4 years) my teeth were aweful, SO worn down and discolored, i was hitting a nerve in front 6 teeth, tiny tiny teeth and chipped. So i've been saving up for years! I finally got enough after tax return and am SO pleased! I finally have a smile again! and i know that alone should be reason enough to quit ed. i'm no restricting which i kind of expected to happen, i have 2 drinks at night and sometimes binge after i take my sleep meds though, so i eat less during day to make up for it. Im terrified of weight gain but think to myself, whose more attractive, an emaciated women with no teeth and no hair (my hairs falling out too, super thin), or a fuller women with a beautiful smile and beautiful hair. The answer to me is the later, though before i would of chosen the former. I had my daughter 3 1/2 years ago and have changed my self perception since then. Positive change but slow going, DEF need support, hoping to find that here! Thank you all!

Any reason is a good reason in my book
I find I eat more at night too, I've noticed I seem to eat more when I'm tired. But trying to 'make up' for it by eating less during the day can actually lead to a binge. Have you tried eating little and often?
I'm glad your self perception is changing, that's a good start.
We will happily support you any way we can

Willow