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How are you today? *TW*

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Re: How are you today? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Thu Nov 01, 2018 9:18 pm

I went out last night and some drunk girl in the bathroom came up to me and said "you are so pretty, it's so unfair" and walked off.

Today a family member came up to me and said that I look like a skeleton.

When I look in the mirror, I look huge and ugly.

This does my mind in.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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xcagedsilhouttex
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Re: How are you today? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Tue Nov 06, 2018 12:31 pm

I had blood drawn yesterday for a few tests that need to be run. My blood pressure is very low and today I can barely stand up without my eyes blacking out and falling over.

I have multiple vitamin deficiencies and my liver and pancreas are enlarged.

I'm killing myself slowly but I can't stop.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
User avatar
xcagedsilhouttex
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 543
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:27 pm
Local time: Tue Dec 18, 2018 8:50 pm
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Re: How are you today? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Mon Nov 26, 2018 7:25 pm

I am feeling incredibly nauseated. I thought it would get better (and I am still hoping it will) however carrying on today has been a struggle.

I find it hard to discern between psychosomatic nausea and legitimate nausea.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
User avatar
xcagedsilhouttex
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 543
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:27 pm
Local time: Tue Dec 18, 2018 8:50 pm
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Re: How are you today? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Thu Nov 29, 2018 6:00 pm

Relapsed :cry:
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
User avatar
xcagedsilhouttex
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 543
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:27 pm
Local time: Tue Dec 18, 2018 8:50 pm
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Re: How are you today? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Wed Dec 05, 2018 12:20 pm

It has been nearly a week since my moment of relapse. I felt so horrible afterwards I thought about acting on my behaviour and trying to compensate by restricting however it just made me realise how I don't want to live with this anymore and I got up the next day and continued to eat normally and this week I have managed to extend my calorie intake closer to what it should be.

I take comfort in the good days.

I've also been delusional when it came to weighting myself. I would set my scale forward a couple of lbs and I would add 2 points to my bmi. Not sure why I did this exactly but I think part of me wanted to fuel my ED and another part wanted validation to continue restricting. Admitting this is quite a big deal and, although I still compulsively weight and measure, it shows an improvement.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
User avatar
xcagedsilhouttex
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 543
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:27 pm
Local time: Tue Dec 18, 2018 8:50 pm
Blog: View Blog (4)

Re: How are you today? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Tue Dec 11, 2018 7:42 pm

On Saturday, I woke up and looked in the mirror. My body dysmorphia was gone. I could see myself for what I was and I was okay with who I was.

Today I got dressed and went to a fellowship meeting where a newcomer arrived. She was severely underweight but in the back of my mind I was envious and my body dysmorphia has returned. I feel like I look huge despite knowing that I am not.

It's still early but all I want to do is go to sleep and hope it's gone in the morning.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
User avatar
xcagedsilhouttex
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 543
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:27 pm
Local time: Tue Dec 18, 2018 8:50 pm
Blog: View Blog (4)

Re: How are you today? *TW*

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Wed Dec 12, 2018 11:52 am

The body dysmorphia is still here and none of my clothes fit. I haven't been measuring for a little while but now everything is baggy and the only pants that fit are my ex boyfriends. My ED is telling me that I still need to lose weight and my anxiety is telling me that I am getting too thin. I have increased my calorie intake again and my actual weight itself has shifted down a tiny bit but I have been doing a lot of exercise and I haven't taken into account muscle mass. I'm also struggling to eat and even though I am pushing through, I have to force myself. Each meal is difficult and unpleasant.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
User avatar
xcagedsilhouttex
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 543
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:27 pm
Local time: Tue Dec 18, 2018 8:50 pm
Blog: View Blog (4)

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