How are you today? *TW*

Hi Everyone,

willow-I know how difficult the goal setting can be. I think that I kind of felt (in the beginning) like since showing up for therapy was so difficult that I should have been able to get better by just attending. It took some time, but it got easier.

Hope you feel better soon. Being sick on top of everything else can make you feel so much more drained.

I must admit that I am in a bit of a foul mood today. Two people at work were rather disrespectful to me. I did not react well and when I don't react well I can come across as rather well for lack of a better way to describe it...down right mean. I never start any type of conflict, as a matter of fact I mostly keep to myself to avoid any drama. I could have just ignored what happened, basically we were supposed to have a meeting and they kept me waiting for 45 minutes while they were talking about what we were going to talk about at the meeting!

So they excluded me and wasted my time. When I called them out on it neither had a good answer and one turned bright red. The meeting was to decide something that is ultimately my decision. So I informed them what my decision would be and made it pretty clear that I was deciding on something that they won't like because they were rude to me.

I don't like getting that way, but I don't like feeling like a doormat who let's people run all over me either. I wish that neither was necessary and that work was not like an episode of "Survivor" or "Big Brother."

Of course then all I wanted to do was to binge/purge to stop thinking about how upset I was and stop thinking about why it all happened and why people can be so difficult.

AND a very nice person that I work with gave me a huge candy bar. Funny even when people are being really nice to me they do something that is not so good for a bulimic!

I know that at that moment it is a battle of the wills within myself to deal with my emotions in a more 'normal' way. I know not doing that makes everything worse.

I am now exhausted, from the confrontation, from thinking about the confrontation which was worse than the actual confrontation itself...and from wondering why can't I just be normal. That was the worst part, realizing that even after all of this work to get better, it is still just so freaking hard.

If I see these two people tomorrow, it is going to be really hard not to glare at them. Not to scream, "You know I just don't need you making things more difficult for me!" Wow how self absorbed that sounds. Why should I expect them to care about my mental health, I'm the only person who has to care about that.

Although what they did was rude, I need to learn to not take things so personally.. Great another thing I need to work on

Hope everyone is doing well. Like Scarlet said: "Tomorrow is Another Day!"
Hugs!
P.

[quote="Priscilla13"](...) I don't like getting that way, but I don't like feeling like a doormat who let's people run all over me either. I wish that neither was necessary and that work was not like an episode of "Survivor" or "Big Brother." Of course then all I wanted to do was to binge/purge to stop thinking about how upset I was and stop thinking about why it all happened and why people can be so difficult.

No, no, and more no! They don't deserve your suffering, they don't deserve your heart and stomach and internal organ stress! Let them enjoy their silly and pety cowardly chattering and plotting by themselves! To me they sound PATHETIC and quite frankly I would vomit at the thought of being like them! Priscilla13 you are too clever and sensitive to treat yourself badly.

AND a very nice person that I work with gave me a huge candy bar. Funny even when people are being really nice to me they do something that is not so good for a bulimic!

I see you keep your sense of humor though this is a good thing! Well done! Btw, the candy bar is NOT BAD for you. This is a kind of food that is bad to ALL PEOPLE who eat them in large quantity preferring sweets to vedgy and fruit. The fact you are bilimic doesn't mean anything. Actually, in this occasion, if I were in you I would eat and smile while eating the candy bar and then have a salad in the evening so you don't put on weight. A candy bar as part of a low fat diet, doesn't constitute a problem (unless you suffer from diabetes but again that's got nothing to do with bulimia)

I know that at that moment it is a battle of the wills within myself to deal with my emotions in a more 'normal' way. I know not doing that makes everything worse. I am now exhausted, from the confrontation, from thinking about the confrontation which was worse than the actual confrontation itself...and from wondering why can't I just be normal. That was the worst part, realizing that even after all of this work to get better, it is still just so freaking hard.

Try to separate the two things if you can. Nasty people, difficult choices are one thing, you and youself are another. The first don't constitute a real threat per se because you are a capable and intelligent woman, you can manage the challenges they make u face. The latter will exhist with or without the problem that people at work are giving you; suffering from bulimia myself I sometimes reaise that I use my fears as an excuse to show your frustration by getting sick. Think of yourself as a person who deserve to be loved and that is appreciated also by others (myself included).

I've got to rush out now, I have no time to check spelling and grammar (English is not my first language). Please, accept my aplogy me if I wrote badly, I hope you will get the message anyway.

Lots of hugs!

Hi all, I hope you are all doing well

Priscilla - Sorry to hear you get so stressed at work, how have things been today?

Yesterday ended up being a bit messy but today i have had a bit more motivation. I even took a low cal soup into work!! I haven't eaten in front of anyone in so long! It was really hard but i put it into a mug and drank it instead
I've started taking a multi vitamin too - hopefully they will help this cold.

Big ((Hugs)) all

I haven't been on in a while. I have just kinda been wallowing in my ed. Gaining more and more weight just waiting for the next stage to kick in
...restricting and purging hell. Not so sure even who I am at this moment. Just a mess.

((Big Hugs)) Bellatanie

We are here to support you - keep talking

Hey everyone

I really hope you are all doing ok.
So far today has been pretty freaking brilliant I have eaten 5 small things and kept them down!! So far i haven't binged either - i know i will but i'm trying to at least hold off for as long as possible. I have friends coming soon for a catch up so that will keep me busy for a while.
I have an appt with my GP on monday - i need to do something about this insomnia. I think i have another chest infection too, still feeling rotten and breathing hurts!

Anyway, i just wanted to share my good day
((Hugs)) to everyone

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for asking willow, today was much better and less stressful. Wow and wow again, you are doing so well. I know what a big deal it was for you to eat at work! Five small meals and kept them all down that is a brilliant day! I sure hope that you are not getting sick again, eating a bit more and getting a bit more nutrition should help!

Minerva-thank you for your concern, that was very sweet and I appreciate you taking the time to write to me! Some days are a struggle, but I keep working towards learning how to shrug off things that are not important. I don't think I will be comfortable keeping candy around me for a while, that can be a trigger food for me. How are you doing? Your English is excellent by the way!

Hi there Bellatanie! It is good to hear from you, I know it can be so hard not to sink deeper and deeper in to the feeling of hopelessness that seems to be a part of having an eating disorder, try to keep writing, it can help. We have all been where you are, you are not alone.

We all have good days and bad. Let's celebrate the good ones, and talk about the bad ones to get them out of the negative thoughts in our heads.

Hugs to you All!
Priscilla

Hey all,

Priscilla13 wrote:Thank you for asking willow, today was much better and less stressful.

I'm so glad you had a better day at work!

Priscilla13 wrote:Thank you for asking willow, today was much better and less stressful. Wow and wow again, you are doing so well. I know what a big deal it was for you to eat at work! Five small meals and kept them all down that is a brilliant day! I sure hope that you are not getting sick again, eating a bit more and getting a bit more nutrition should help!

Thank you! I was starting to wonder if i would ever have another good day!

How are the rest of you doing? I hope things are going well

Yesterday was a great day! I only binged once and felt less anxious than usual. So far today is going the same way, i accidently missed lunch but have had small things at all other meal times. I'm still smoking but atm i'm just happy things are going well so i don't want to mess with it! I'm still not feeling too good so i don't know if thats contributing to it.

((Big Hugs)) everyone

Hey everyone,

I hope you are all ok

Well, the good day was nice while it lasted! last night didn't exactly go to plan and today hasn't been much better. I'm still eating small things as much as i can tho.
I'm visiting my sister tomorrow so hopefully that will be a good distraction for me. I'm going to try and stay at hers untill after the shop closes so i wont be tempted.

((Hugs))

Today I am eating quite a bit. Not saying this to anyone else but feeling worse about myself than ever. I don't know what to do about it all.....fml....