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I effect other people and trigger madness anxiety in others

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I effect other people and trigger madness anxiety in others

Postby Michael5 » Sat Oct 03, 2015 7:00 pm

Hello.. this is something that i don't only believe but i'm sure it's true. it started in the army.. i joined with schizoid and social anxiety, it was special place with people with different mental disorders.. i had some psychotic guy in my group.. one day i had chips in my hand during a break in the army.. this guy looked at me.. i thought maybe he wants some.. so i asked "want?" we both looked strangley at each other, he nodded no with his head, this eye contact was tense, awkward, weird. 5 minutes later when the break was over.. we sat with our group for a sitting (we were 7 people in total), things started to get extremely weird. there was extreme tension between me and him, i could feel it, i was silent and didn't act as my self the whole sitting, HE NOTICED THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG, HE COULD sense it as well, inside i was burning because i felt that i effected the other guy, while everyone talked, both of us were silent! and didn't act as our selves! it was tense! it felt like hell! then this guy started freaking out.. he stood up and started screaming about killing humanity and murdering people.. the commander did nothing!!! it was EVEN more tense afterwards, i couldn't talk, i was silented. and felt horror anxiety inside me.. we both felt the same thing i believe. it didn't stop for hours upon hours and this extreme tense feeling between us was the whole time we were close to each other.. i wanted to run away to the mountains and be alone for my entire life because of what happened, i was paranoid so much at this time.. it felt like burning inside without dying. so this horror anxiety was the entire day. this is where i caught my severe psychotic disorder.. from this moment..

afterwards my brain.. and i can't change this.. i believe that i effect other people. it NEVER ever happened in the past, this guy was clearly psychotic or something. even when i had awkward times with my friends when i walked with him for half hour walk and I WAS SILENT THE ENTIRE, TIME, IT WAS AWKWARD AS HECK, and then at home was beating my self up for being awkward but it was alright afterwaRDS AND nothing was so wrong.

now everytime i have awkward situations with people or come close or even SAY SOMETHING TO HIM, I BECOME PSYCHOTIC, BUT I DON'T SCREAM LIKE THIS GUY, BUT INSIDE I DO HAVE paranoia and i fear that things will go out of control and both of us will have horror anxiety..

in the army as well.. afterwards that even with this psychotic guy.. the horrific anxiety ended 1 day later, things cooled down.. few days later... when we sat with the group in a class.. commander was teaching us things.. so i asked the commander "can you write what you said on the board?" me and her HAD this LOOK AGAIN like i had with the guy before.. she said alright.. then things became awkward, tense.. since when i asked.. i became silent the entire time in the class.. i felt horror anxiety again.. and she was tense and i saw it in her eyes that she was anxious as hell.. in the breakup.. after sometime.. i went and started meditating.. TRIED THINGS TO CALM MY SELF DOWN, IT Didnt work ! it just made things worse, then i started praying to god saying "PLEASE GOD HELP ME" i think i cried littlebit.. and sat alone tried calming things down, nothing worked.. after 15min.. we came back to the class.. it was tense between me and the commander as hell.. she ended the lesson quick! she never did that!! then she RAN AWAY LITERALLY, she replaced another commander for us for 2 days!!! i was so ashamed and so paranoid becaause of what i did.. i wanted to suicide many times..

4 month later i was released from the army because of mental problems...
THEN I MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!! but! this psychotic disorder which i caught from the army ruined it! when i spoke to my love! she went nuts!! completely and she even said she feels maddness anxiety and said that maddness does exsist! this made me terrfied!! i have this tension between MY OWN PSYCHATRIST now and he avoids me i think becuase of that.. and also tension between me and my best friend JUST BECAAUSE HE CHATTED WITH ME ON FACEBOOK!!! NOW i have this paranoid look it doesn't go away and it's been for half year this tension between me and my best friend.. and with my psychatriist in the mental hospiotal for 3 weeks + .. the tension between the psychiatrist started when i started teaching him a bit about medicine because i know some. i told him if i can try 5-htp, l-tyorinse, magnesium glycinate, calcium citrate and gave him a list of all the supplments i want to use! just becaause of that now we have extreme tension between each other! this psychotic disorder also effects people online with people i believe. anyone who comes close to me, it can effect him, also over chat, me and my ex met through chat and she felt maddness anxiety as she described and she had many psychosis becaause of me.. she started writing symbols in her posts in fb and computer ips and nunmbers and flooding and went competley nuts.. this ruined my relationship with PEOPLE, BEST FRIENDS, FRIENDS, MY LOVE OF MY LIFE.

now i have major depression since i broke up with my love of my life.. and attempted suicide 5 times!

i feel like i'm the only one in this entire world who has this problem..
and i truly believe or strongly assume that this can be the worst or one of the worst disorders in the entire world.. i've never ever seen something worse than that.. and i know many mental disorders.

i'm being paranoid on facebook posting stuff since i got this problem.. everytime i post something i get terrifed if i effected somebody.. or even a comment! it only happens if somebody talks to me or gets close to me, then we both can get into horror anxiety (what i call)..

everytime i leave a comment on youtube.. my words somehow influence (effect) the one who opened the youtube channel or even on facebook.. i noticed that if i post something (i think i'm an energy vampire as well), i write with lots of energy into my words.. then i notice that the guy in facebook for example posts less stuff because of me!! because i effected him.. and then my mind goes into a battle saying "IT'S NOT ME, PLEASE, PLEASE, IT'S THE PSYCHOTIC DISORDER, IT'S NOT ME, IT'S NOT ME" now i avoid posting at facebook or youtube at all because i don't want somehow to effect the person and be an energy vampire and cause him to do actions because of me like stop posting or feel awkward becuase of me!!! i'm being paranoid when i walk in the streets in my city with this horrific anxiety.. and also online.. i avoid talking to people or clicking LIKE on his post so we both won't get attached and i won't be the cause for his bad things that will happen to him.. if anything goes wrong that wont be me! but if i spoke to him or clicked like on his post then i always believe it's me... i really can't do anything about it.. i can't..
Michael5
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Re: I effect other people and trigger madness anxiety in others

Postby user319182 » Wed Dec 30, 2015 4:37 am

Man. Sorry nobody replied in such a long time. But I can tell you this: I read your entire post top-to-bottom, and all that I feel afterwards is just slightly giddy. Not much, really. I certainly don't feel anxious to speak to you; you seem like a perfectly normal human being to me.

I don't know if things have gotten better for you, but I think the problem you're describing isn't really as "powerful" as you think it is. You haven't drained the life out of me at all...

And also you're not the only one who has this. As a matter of fact, crazy as it may sound, I have psychosis and I also believe that I affect people strongly...

I am trying to rationalize this belief that everybody I come into contact to, is being influenced by me, and they are influencing other people, and they are influencing even more, and all of them are being hurt by me... I find examples from my life to support it and say that my family and friends are all depressed and life-less because of me...like they have no reason to live; while im the complete opposite and want to enjoy life, and can't understand the people around me.

The point is, I guarantee you that you are not affecting others. At least you certainly can't through this chat, that much is obvious to me. One thing that I found helps is to remind yourself, you aren't special...nobody else is different from you, they all have the same capabilities. You can't influence others around you, if nobody else can. you're not capable of it. Whatever problem you're having, you're only having a *normal* human problem, that is causing these things. And you're trying to cover it with the belief that you are causing it somehow through some strange influence that you have... an influence that you don't have.

Point is, buddy, you seem pretty normal to me. I wouldn't mind having a face-to-face conversation w/ you. I don't feel like doing anything out of the ordinary, not at all... You should relax go to your psychiatrist try to keep calm and just stop feeling anxious over the 'effect' you have. You seem like a pretty normal guy, really, everywhere except for this anxiety you have. Once you learn to move past that, I'm sure you'll be able to lead a perfectly good life.
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