Why I hate Tuesday Nights....*TW possibly?*

Every tuesday night my sister goes to drum lessons and my parents take her, leaving me all alone in my house. It's always the same thing that happens:

I try to shower, but I feel the need to rush out of the shower at least 4 times to make sure the things I'm "hearing" (whether actually happening or in my mind, I'm not sure) aren't happening then

I rush out of the restroom because I keep feeling as though there is someone behind me with a knife and even though I keep looking behind me, the feeling returns and I begin seeing things out of the corners of my eyes and then

I try to relax in my basement, but I keep feeling as though there are spiders crawling all over me so

I go upstairs but I have to check every door and room to make sure no one is in there because I know someone is and the second I close the door, they are there again but

eventually they start following me with knives so

I hide in my room, but I keep feeling like someone is tapping on the windows trying to get in.

I feel like the only way to protect myself against this is to hide in my bed with all the lights on and sometimes I resort to self harm to make the psychosis go away.

Does anyone have advice? Is there hope for me?

Hi nerdgirl,
reading your message, you reminded me how it was when I was young.
I am just finding out the last years, that what I thought normal was, was a bit different to what others experience.
I also went through the doors' check up. and could not put my hand hanging out out of my bed, out of fear another hand would touch it.

I am 50 and I still avoid even commercials on TV over terror movies. I have to tell you that although I am a nervous, fearful person, I did outgrow that fase.
Faith helped me, but if you have not grown up in this way, look inside of you or outside, and find a greater force, that will help you and support you in this difficult times.

I have lived with fear, but fear has not stopped me. you dare to remain alone, despite all the check ups around the house. You dare and that is very very good.
it can get better!!! one step at a time.
greetings!!

I feel that way too sometimes (It's a tough thing to have a psychotic disorder and an anxiety disorder) it was particularly bad last year when I could not be alone by myself unless I had all lights on, tv on, was distracting myself with the computer, and was wrapped up under heavy amounts of blankets and comforters.