Internalising v Externalising

“Behavioral and psychological problems are often described in terms of their degrees of internalizing versus externalizing presentation. The major distinction between these two presentations is related to whether the symptoms or behaviors are focused inward (i.e., toward to the self) or outward (i.e., toward others).
Individuals who are more internalizing tend to have symptoms or behaviors that are turned inward. Internalizing symptoms would include things such as depression, worry, fear, self-injury, and social withdrawal.
Individuals who are more externalizing tend to have symptoms or behaviors that are directed outward. For example, they may engage in aggression, angry outbursts, law-breaking, or hyperactivity.”

Just been introduced to the above concept in relation to BPD.
Wonder if I am understanding it right?”

If someone says something I perceive as nasty - I might not challenge it – because in many situations with many people ( but not all) I am very unassertive.
I would probably spend ages after wondering if they are a bitch (externalising?) or if I am "over sensitive” (internalising?).
Perhaps I do not externalise because I lack confidence to challenge them and because I do not like being judgemental or getting angry and hurting people or because I would worry they would say I misinterpreted what they said or deny saying it or because I might agree with the bad thing they said about me or blame myself for misinterpreting an innocent remark.
On other occasions, however, with some people I might really honestly speak my mind or challenge them or get angry about what they said. This would either be with (unfortunately for them) one of the couple of people I am very close to, trust a bit and feel comfortable with and feel confident that I probably will not loose them because of speaking my mind or disagreeing or getting angry with them.
(Conversely, perhaps I could also challenge/get angry with someone I do not really know or who means very little to me and whose opinion or acquaintance is not very important to me).
With most people “in the middle”, eg family and friends I might tend to blame myself or be full of unexpressed resentment.

So would it be fair to say that externalising is blaming other and internalising is blaming yourself?
So does the above reaction sound a bit like BPD?
So much I do not know about it.

Either set of actions are consistent with BPD, but I think the cause is a little bit murkier.

BPD people blame others, but can also blame themselves at the same time. Sometimes, the external rage is just an internalization gone awry. The reverse also holds true; sometimes the internalization is simply an external rage being kept in check. Also, as you mentioned, some internalize out of fear of speaking up (e.g. us AvPD people) or other reasons, as well.

So to answer your questions:

1. Generally, it probably is correct that externalizing is blaming others while internalizing is blaming yourself, and
2. Both sides of that are definitely consistent with BPD, sometimes in the same person, in the same day!

Internalizing is when you keep it inside yourself.
Even if you are blaming others, if you're not attacking them in verbal abuse to their face or physical violence/exploitation- you're keeping it inside you and internalizing.
Internal= not acting out at the person diretly.

As you deal with the relations to someone else (object relations) it dose NOT automaticaly become external.

External is what you project out wards as a product of your inner torment.
As your quote states: Individuals who are more externalizing tend to have symptoms or behaviors that are directed outward. For example, they may engage in aggression, angry outbursts, law-breaking, or hyperactivity
External= atticking, abusing, mistreating, etc someone other than yourself.


You're internalizing.
Even though your thoughts are because or in reference to someone else (outside object) if you're NOT acting towards the object in some kind of confrentational way, you're just keeping it inside yourself= internal.

Hope this helps

Hi AW
Started thread after thigns went this way at the end of the above thread
borderline-personality/topic73073.html

Someone said,
"So when someone treats us with respect - we are happy - we love them.
When someone treats us without respect - we are devastated - we hate them."

Then I said I thought everyone was like that inside but just hid it well.

Then the first person said,
"No, most people aren't like that - they will externalise how they are treated.
"Mary seems like she's in a good mood today", "I notice that Fred guy yells at everyone; it's such a shame for him because I know he's got a good heart underneath his gruffness""

Maybe I have muddled things up by started a new thread - but anyway I have suspected for sometime there is something wrong with my interactions - but put it down to being "too sensitive" or worse "bad-minded" and seeing slights where they were not really meant or perhaps there was only tactlessness and not intentional harm - or if feeling confident inside I might allow myself to admit that it was bitchiness - but then would let it go rather than deal with it anyway.
So it was very interesting to see that this may be related to BPD - although I do realise that it is probably a lot to do with extent - and that's where it is difficult to "self-diagnose" - but I think all self-knowledge is good - so good for me to know if that is not a normal trait.
Although whether it is chronic unassertiveness or a BPD tait or both - i am not sure.

Opinions welcome.

Self diagnosis= always a BAD IDEA!!!!

If you think you have some issues (whatever they may be) you need to get someone in the profession of psychology to assess you properly. Otherwise you really have no idea what you're dealing with, and you're merely taking a stab in the dark at something you obviously feel is important.

Would you ever diagnose yourself if you thought you could have cancer or another serious physical illness?
Chances are not- right?

So why would you attempt to do that with a serious mental illness?
BPD is a serious mental illness- you do realize that right???

I can't tell you what's 'normal' in BPD because we all expereice things a bit differently.
I'm an extrovert, and I throw my trash on others so that I don't have to sit and fester in it myself. I don't much understand internalizing things the way others here do.
I do take things personally and internalize but once I take that something 'inside' me- I quickly spew it out on someone else and go on the offensive/destructive/war path.
So, you're 'chronic unassertiveness' is not something I identify with at all- sorry...

I do think you should see a shrink though.
Gluck 2U!

You're so assertive Alice. You're very unlike most borderlines, but you have so much in common with me! Being an extrovert when you're borderline is like infecting other people with your disturbed emotionality, it brings people down and makes them experience everything you feel, and it can easily make a non go crazy. There is kind of a comfort in throwing your trash onto someone else, just to get it out of yourself and unleash it onto a target. It's not healthy but it's the externalizing way. That's why people who interact with us feel like they are in a mental hospital themselves! Just dealing with us drives them crazy.

Maybe saying "opinions welcome" was a bit hasty!
No - actually interested to hear what you say - and maybe if I thought someone was self diagnosing and it might do them harm I would say so too.
However been the "official" route - and happy to stay away from that in the future - and hopefully will never need them again.
Too long a story for here and now - but part of it is that I recently spent about 40 mins with a small "shrink" who says I have some (undefined) degree of emotional instability. I asked for more info and said I was leaving with more questions than I went in with - but he said our time was up!
So I have to investigate myself. OK
So I discover that this thing I have is can be related to BPD, Bipolar or sleep deprivation - according to the DSM-V.
I do not think I have BPD - but seemingly may have at least one trait as emotional instability can be a feature of BPD, bipolar or sleep deprivation - source DSM-V - so feel I want to find out more - so I can also find out what I can do to improve my life.
Anything you can contribute to that end would be appreciated.
Now - that was fairly assertive, huh?

I think typical BPD would be internalising as a primary mechanism (self blame) with secondary externalising, splitting, blaming others, "acting out" as a result of that primary internalising ?

AJ,

infecting other people... disturbed... it brings people down... easily... go crazy... unleash it onto a target... interact with us... dealing with us drives them crazy.

you made me tingle



Gnite all

katana wrote:I think typical BPD would be internalising as a primary mechanism (self blame) with secondary externalising, splitting, blaming others, "acting out" as a result of that primary internalising ?

Well - do relate to that -
self blame - I'm bad, its my fault - did that a lot
splitting - seeing myself as "a good me" and "a bad me" and being one or the other at different times
blaming others - yes at times - and half feeling it is legit and half hating myself for feeling "hate"
"acting out" - been occasions, with added alcohol where it could be said tht has been done!

Thanks katana

Just feel the more I know, the more I might be able to have insight and put some coping strategies into place for when i get stressed or "triggered" and feel I can't cope - don't want to (over) burden the few friends I have left when I have a "crisis of not coping".