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Feel like everything I do is calculated and planned?

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Feel like everything I do is calculated and planned?

Postby rainbowdude788 » Wed May 10, 2023 10:42 am

Hi all, I'm very new here, and I hope this is okay to post, and it's okay to post here as apposed to somewhere else.

I feel like most things I do are weirdly calculated. My facial expressions, my body language, the things i say, my actions. It really all relates to other people and making sure they perceive me the way I want them to. When I talk to someone, I'm thinking of everything, their facial expression, their words, their body language, and I make sure that mine reflects it, that I say the right things to get the correct response. I have to do the right things in that moment, whether to get them to like me or I guess just to get what I want in that moment.

And I know what to say most of the time. When I don't say the right thing, it's because I don't actually care in that moment about doing that. If I really want to, I feel like I can get a lot of things out of people just by acting and responding a certain way. I know how to use my traits to get what I want, and I know what I'm fully capable of.

I swing wildly between these things, doing this to make sure people like me, to make sure I don't upset them, and doing it to trick people into thinking I'm one way when I'm actually not. if I'm nice, act a certain way, I can get away with a lot if I'm smart about it.

I don't normally think about this, it's such a part of my daily life, but a little while ago I realized just how much of my day-to-day life is calculated, I even sometimes change the way I cough or sneeze to get a specific reaction from other people.

I don't know what to call this, it could just stem from trauma, it could be part of my BPD or OCD, I have no idea, I just want to know if this makes sense at all, or even if I'm not alone in it. It's something so ingrained in me I don't even realize its there most of the time. Sometimes I fly off into worrying I'm like actually some kind of awful person. I mean, logically I know some of this is morally wrong, and it's hard to make myself ACTUALLY care, like I KNOW I should care, but I dont. Thats a whole other issue I guess.

Again I hope this made sense, any feedback is appreciated. Thank you very much!
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Re: Feel like everything I do is calculated and planned?

Postby jaus tail » Wed May 24, 2023 1:56 pm

i am like this. was a lot like this earlier. it's like somehow i knew what the other person expects me to say and i'd say it.

i realize this was due to strict parenting. i learnt how to sense anger in people, how to see silent behavior, n i was desperate to please people.

i avoid people as much possible. i know i'm a people-pleaser and can't say 'no'.
one difference is earlier i was proud or happy about it.

now i know it's a not a good quality to please others all the time.
but i also dont know how to change it. so i avoid people most of the time and keep to myself.
therapy can help. it didnt help me much tbh.

you would have some friends around whom ur authentic. some friends in ur life or past. if u could hang out with them... maybe that would help.
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