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Constantly Doubting Myself

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Constantly Doubting Myself

Postby My_Realization » Tue Dec 01, 2020 3:40 am

Lonely these days + covid ...:I’m trying not to crack. I’ve been matched up with Narcissists and now I don’t trust myself. I’ve never had a decent relationship and eager for a mate/companionship/real love but I don’t trust myself bc I’ve come across narcs so much.

My feelings towards friends are deteriorating bc I feel they should be more in tune with my feelings. Then I doubt if it’s realistic or if it’s BPD.

I haven’t felt depressed nor wanted to cut myself for quite some time now. I’ve been prescribed citalopram which is finally a med that seems to be helping.

I’m still drinking but not in sadness but just bc ....I’m becoming numb.

I’m not a zombie but...I’m lost in my head.
---
My_Realization, Age 38/Female
Diagnosis: Borderline Personality Disorder
PTSD, Clinical Depression & Anxiety

Diagnosed: May 2014
Citalopram Hydrobromide 20 mg/daily
My_Realization
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Re: Constantly Doubting Myself

Postby Remember Ronni » Wed Dec 02, 2020 1:12 am

It has been a tough old year that's for sure. I haven't had a single conversation with anyone now since about February other than the please and thank you at the cash till. The last conversation this year was with the dentist and I wasn't able to talk at the time. And yep there have been moments.....but I am still here

With relationships I get that too. I spoke to my therapist and she said I just have a bad habit of picking the wrong men. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Relationships are tricky for those who don't have BPD. I guess you just have to go for someone totally different, maybe someone you might once have found a bit boring, but perhaps someone with whom you can have that relationship you're looking for.

With the friends you can't expect them to be in tune with your feelings. scientific research, brain scans showed actual differences in the brains of those with BPD. Basically it confimed they do feel more intensely and they can't regulate that emotion terribly well. For someone without BPD that would be hard to understand. It might be you need those friends but also perhaps support from elsewhere for the BPD feelings - forums like this are good, there are others too, a therapist or doctor. They are more likely to be able to empathise with you.

Maybe you should try finding something to get you out of your head a bit. No, not more booze, but something more mindful shall we say. Playing music, painting, art, colouring, crossword puzzles, solitaire online, jigsaw puzzles if you like them. I can be in the worst place and when I get lost in my art stuff or my photography it really helps, with depression, anxiety or just that BPD crap that goes round your head sometimes. It makes me feel better even if I have to force myself to do it. Something you enjoy, you don't have to be good at it, or share it with anyone, or do anything with it at all. I find if I can do something like that it gets me out of my head in a good way.

This has been a crappy year, but we're still here. So hang in there....and you're not alone.
Diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (BPD)
Remember Ronni
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Re: Constantly Doubting Myself

Postby Remember Ronni » Wed Dec 02, 2020 5:20 pm

And just to round things off nicely half my tooth fell out with no dentist appointments until January and my central heating broke down this morning so now I have no heating or hot water. What is it with this year? :mrgreen:
Diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (BPD)
Remember Ronni
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2749
Joined: Sun Nov 24, 2013 12:17 am
Local time: Sun Sep 26, 2021 6:58 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


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