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Am I being unreasonable

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Am I being unreasonable

Postby jaus tail » Sun Nov 22, 2020 7:46 am

So my mom wants to put v windows in my Room. She says rats enter through window. Well they don't. I told her its not needed. Mom ended up calling the carpenter n booking the new window.

Our earlier windows are good n don't need new ones.

I told her its not needed. Mom ended up saying: house belongs to all.

This reminds me of her earlier dismissive behavior.

Am I being unreasonable? We're spending money for no reason.
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Re: Am I being unreasonable

Postby tmc115 » Tue Nov 24, 2020 4:06 pm

You are allowed to not want or like what someone else does. Especially if it concerns your personal space.

If it's your money being spent then you should be outraged and not allow it to happen. You control your money.

If it's not your house and not your money then I say be unhappy, but they gon' do what they gon' do. Buy your own place and do what you want.

Your feelings are never wrong or bad. It's just the way you feel and it's all ok. It's what you do with the feelings that matter.

Telling them how you feel may upset them, but you arent FORCING anyone to do anything. Saying what you FEEL is different than DEMANDING everyone think the same. You are just sharing your thoughts and feelings and allowing others to react.

The worst thing you can do is hide how you feel. And you don't need to change how you feel just because it upsets someone. They can deal with it. You be you and let them be them.
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Re: Am I being unreasonable

Postby Remember Ronni » Tue Nov 24, 2020 9:27 pm

Those of us with BPD are very good at the black and white type thinking. This isn't about right or wrong. You just have different opinions both of which may be valid, even if one is driven by a phobia of rats. I always ask myself is this even a battle I need to fight at all? If your Mum has the money and wants to spend it on new windows then let her. Save your energy for the big stuff.
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Re: Am I being unreasonable

Postby jaus tail » Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:43 am

tmc115 wrote:You are allowed to not want or like what someone else does. Especially if it concerns your personal space.

If it's your money being spent then you should be outraged and not allow it to happen. You control your money.

If it's not your house and not your money then I say be unhappy, but they gon' do what they gon' do. Buy your own place and do what you want.

Your feelings are never wrong or bad. It's just the way you feel and it's all ok. It's what you do with the feelings that matter.

Telling them how you feel may upset them, but you arent FORCING anyone to do anything. Saying what you FEEL is different than DEMANDING everyone think the same. You are just sharing your thoughts and feelings and allowing others to react.

The worst thing you can do is hide how you feel. And you don't need to change how you feel just because it upsets someone. They can deal with it. You be you and let them be them.

yeah i just tell myself: its her house.
think of yourself as a tenant. nothing more than that. but its a really big waste of money. something she's done earlier and regretted it.
shopping cannot equal therapy.

Remember Ronni wrote:Those of us with BPD are very good at the black and white type thinking. This isn't about right or wrong. You just have different opinions both of which may be valid, even if one is driven by a phobia of rats. I always ask myself is this even a battle I need to fight at all? If your Mum has the money and wants to spend it on new windows then let her. Save your energy for the big stuff.

yeah true. its not worth fighting. let her win this. be happy with your new windows.
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Re: Am I being unreasonable

Postby IDeerInHeadlightsI » Thu Nov 26, 2020 2:32 pm

In all honesty, I think this is beyond unreasonable.

It's your mother's house and she can do whatever she wants with the windows that belong to it. I don't think its dismissive of your feelings, I think its stating her boundaries. Sometimes that can be uncomfortable to deal with but people are allowed to have them and your mother is allowed to have the final say in her house.
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