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identity issue sucks

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Re: identity issue sucks

Postby Remember Ronni » Fri Oct 02, 2020 10:57 pm

As cheesy it sounds fake it until you make it can actually work.

Did you know that smiling causes your brain to release endorphins? Along with a whole load of stess busting chemicals. The simple act of smiling even when you feel crappy can actually make you feel a bit better.

Maybe fake happy is ok, for a bit anyway.
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Re: identity issue sucks

Postby jaus tail » Sun Oct 04, 2020 6:45 am

shouldnt there be a reason to smile... i mean i dont feel like watching a sitcom and 'cheering' myself up.
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Re: identity issue sucks

Postby Remember Ronni » Sun Oct 04, 2020 10:14 am

You're absolutely right. Better to just keep on wallowing then........
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Re: identity issue sucks

Postby jaus tail » Sun Oct 04, 2020 1:44 pm

i know you mean and wish well...
...but i cant let go of the fantasy of what life would be if i werent abused.

i'm trying not to waste my current years. thus i do this job.

***

i had recovered twice.
in 2014 jan... i thought a lot about it and then decided to let it go.
in 2019 nov/dec... i was in therapy and that helped. i thought of just letting it go now.
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Re: identity issue sucks

Postby Remember Ronni » Tue Oct 06, 2020 12:23 pm

Sorry if that sounded a bit harsh. It's just the fantasy you're holding onto won't happen, can't happen. You were abused. You can be a victim or a survivor.

Besides which how do you know how things might have turned out if all that hadn't happened to you. You could have been run over by a bus. The 'what ifs' are just a total waste of time. There's no way you could know how your life might be now if the past hadn't happened. It might be even worse.

In the end this is what you got from the lottery of life. No one said life was fair.
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Re: identity issue sucks

Postby jaus tail » Tue Oct 06, 2020 5:19 pm

Sorry if that sounded a bit harsh.

no, you werent harsh. yeah there's only so much that can be done. been stuck since 2013. only the recipients change while i'm still there.

It's just the fantasy you're holding onto won't happen, can't happen. You were abused.

yeah... :(

You can be a victim or a survivor.

to be honest and dont mind.. but i think its good im recovering now after many years. earlier all my recoveries were like: get up and get going.. which eventually landed to relapses.

but now i think im doing better than earlier. the opposite of depression isnt partying all the time.

There's no way you could know how your life might be now if the past hadn't happened. It might be even worse.

yeah... couldve been in prison. :( or could've had my acts recorded and up on some porn stuff. ive seen similar stuff happen..

In the end this is what you got from the lottery of life. No one said life was fair.

yeah...
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Re: identity issue sucks

Postby lilyfairy » Wed Oct 07, 2020 9:06 am

jaus tail wrote:i know you mean and wish well...
...but i cant let go of the fantasy of what life would be if i werent abused.

I said something similar to this to my therapist recently about my recent-ish change in diagnosis to include aspergers/autism. With wondering if things would have been different if someone had picked up on this back when I was 5, instead of working it out at 35. (I've asked myself the same about trauma too). He said something along the lines of not torturing myself over it, and I know it's not changeable, but it was more just wondering and questioning- how things might have looked different, and would I be in the position I am now with the MH issues I have.

I think it's ok to question and reflect, but you can't live while you're constantly asking "what if". I think anyone who has been through abuse questions "what if it didn't happen". None of us wanted it. Ever. It's trying to shift that to what can I do to feel safe and comfortable right now- however small. And even asking yourself in this moment, not "now" as a general timeframe, but now as in this very moment- would wrapping myself in a blanket help me feel safe? Is finding a quiet space what I need this moment? Do I need to talk with a friend- not necessarily about the issue, but just for some company?

Recovering doesn't happen in a straight line. Wish it did- would make the idea of going through the process much easier. But, well, this is what we've got to work with. It's not forgetting it, but just trying to put it just to the side to stay in the here and now.
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