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My best friend has BPD

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My best friend has BPD

Postby zoomies » Sat Feb 29, 2020 11:15 pm

Hi everyone,

I’ve been a lurker on this forum for a while now. Figured it was time to get an account and make a post.

One of my best friends was diagnosed by 2 different psychiatrists with BPD. I believe she is on the lower end of the spectrum, which she was also told by a professional.

She is a great friend. We have had minimal ups and downs, nothing major. She can get into some pretty dark moods at times, but she has gotten more mindful about it, even pokes fun at herself when it happens, and recovers quicker from them compared to before. She’s done a lot of work on herself and I am so proud. Her last relationship with a sociopath was her rock bottom, and she realized she had some major work do to on herself.

We also work together. She is a great coworker; a lot of fun, hard working, and everyone loves her. I find it interesting to watch her interactions with others since I am aware of her diagnosis. Especially our male coworkers. All of them seem to have a crush on her on some level, I have caught one guy stop and stare at her a few times when she is around. She is a head turner. Honestly though there are some very pretty girls we work with which are more physically attractive than her. But she has the whole package. The charming, flirty personality. She is friendly, outgoing, and downright alluring. She has blonde hair, blue eyes, and a cute little mischievous smirk on her face all the time. I am a married straight female and even I have felt like I was in a trance around her a few times. It’s not a crush, but a strange pull towards her. Everyone thinks she is beautiful, I hear them say it all the time. Numerous times I have seen the males make excuses to talk to her or be around her.

I get a little jealous of all the attention she gets, not to the point I let it ruin my day. Or our friendship! And this is not the point of this post! And I get why it happens. I guess I am just wondering if she is aware of how she comes across to others, and if she does it on purpose to manipulate for whatever reason, or if it is a learned behaviour and she really isn’t aware… the charming and flirty ways. Her alluring demeanor. I have commented on it and she states she is not aware she is like that. She has even said it is her downfall, that a lot of this attention she gets makes her uncomfortable at times. And I have seen her frustration after interactions with customers and coworkers after they act flirty, awkward or just downright stalker-ish. Just not sure if I should believe it.

No offence is meant with anything I have said in this post regarding BPD. I love my friend to pieces.

Just trying to understand my friend better. And coworkers. Lol.
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Re: My best friend has BPD

Postby jaus tail » Sat Mar 07, 2020 3:26 am

i would feed on attention from others. i would crave it. would get jealous if others got attention. now i realize i needed help instead of attention.
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Re: My best friend has BPD

Postby Skiebs » Sun Nov 01, 2020 5:35 pm

This is why I dont tell people about my BPD anymore, not to demean you or your post.. I dont know how to answer... but this solidifies in my mind, once a person knows my diagnosis then they are forever analyzing everything I do under a microscope.. I even feel like sometimes people are jealous of me and that causes strife in the work place..and paranoia in someone with BPD.

I'm happy your friend is doing so well and they are growing, I hope I can get to her spot one day..

Just love your friend, dont over analyze everything she does, or see it as attention seeking... Because even if she is doing it for that reason I would say shes unaware of it. Let her enjoy the attention, if she actually has BPD, then she has had much more of the opposite from someone in her life.

ugh, i always make things about me... sorry lol.

Best wishes to you and your friend <3
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Re: My best friend has BPD

Postby Remember Ronni » Sun Nov 01, 2020 7:03 pm

Have to agree with Skiebs on this one...what has any of that got to do with BPD? Poor girl can't help being beautiful.
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Re: My best friend has BPD

Postby jaus tail » Thu Nov 05, 2020 8:42 am

Skiebs wrote:once a person knows my diagnosis then they are forever analyzing everything I do under a microscope..

true
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Re: My best friend has BPD

Postby Remember Ronni » Thu Nov 05, 2020 8:13 pm

We're not aliens. In fact on the outside we are going to look just like the average "normie". Many of us have been through a lot especially in childhood. But we are still human beings and not everything we do is about BPD. Which is why I never tell anyone my actual diagnosis. Because I just want to be treated like everyone else. Its hard when people pick apart everyhing we do and say and assume it's because of the BPD when a lot of the time we're just being human.

There is though plenty of literature on BPD out there so if you want to understand it better that's probably the way to go.
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Re: My best friend has BPD

Postby WorkingOnIt1013 » Fri Nov 20, 2020 2:41 am

Yeah I kind of agree that this is part of why I don't like people knowing my diagnosis either, and it's not anything against you just the common perception of BPD/the interpretation. Like once people read all the negative, occasionally your actions get interpreted in a way that isn't necessarily true.

Warning: triggering/intense subjects matter for a sec.
Like when I first was diagnosed, a mental health worker told me that because I had BPD, she didn't believe I was actually suicidal when in fact I had attempted it the night before. She assumed I was manipulating.

(Sometimes I think I was misdiagnosed, as a note. I think it's C-PTSD.)

But yeah, there are many times someone with BPD can be alluring or affect things in ways they have no intention of doing.

If someone is intentionally manipulating, they must have conscious control. Many things interpreted as manipulation are due to strong emotions controlling the person with BPD, not the other way around. They feel very deeply and it affects people. If they're feeling flirty or kind, people are deeply drawn Into it. If they feel upset or sad, people will be deeply affected by that too. That's where I think a lot of things can get misinterpreted by average people as having bad intentions when it's just what they're feeling.

(As I've learned to recognize my emotional states and change my reactions, I think I actually manipulate ppl more so as not to affect them. I'm more intentional. Kinda ironic.)
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