Our partner

Fear of rejection and hypersexual

Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: lilyfairy

Fear of rejection and hypersexual

Postby jcl76 » Sun Feb 09, 2020 6:14 am

I am looking for some help better understanding my BPD and relationships in general. I am a 40something year old male that was diagnosed 6 years ago. Been through DBT and for the great majority BPD doesnt rule my life or have a lot of affect anymore BUT relationships. This is my new journey to discover the inner workings and solutions/practices to combat it.

As I have been doing some soul searching I made a correlation that involves me with regards to fear of rejection and being hypersexual. As soon figured that these 2 things can be gas and fire or oil and water made send that it is the major part of my issues in relationships.

I recently started dating a girl about 4 months ago that we both really connected and fell for each other fast. There still is a great connection where we truly can be completely open and it feels like a good friendship as well. So the honeymoon phase started to fade and reality set in. It all started to affect me the first time we didnt have sex one night that we were together. The rejection set in and I started to question whether she is still into me or have feeling like that anymore. Fast forward it has started to really affect us that she feels pressure that she isnt good enough or cant give me what I want. All it takes is her having a bad day and it merely seems cold the "ut oh" kicks in and then I want to have sex because that how I know she has feeling for me still right? It doesnt help that we are both attractive to one another and being intimate together is still great, but the nights I get rejected all the thoughts start to pile on and on.

We both adore each other and want to be together but I actually have bought in that I do need more and maybe she isnt right for me. At the end of the day I realized all of this has worn her down and she doesnt feel good about herself and she is confused by me. It takes one little issue and I can bring up "everything" I am unahppy about her. I cant believe that I actually stopped looking at me for a solution.

This is a big and important piece of the puzzle so I am I am just looking for feeback, advice, encouragement.

btw- has anyone ever done Mentalization therapy? I am just reading on it and may sound like a good road to combat part of the "perceived vs reality" on what can drive my reactions?
jcl76
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2013 7:05 pm
Local time: Mon Nov 23, 2020 10:38 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Fear of rejection and hypersexual

Postby jaus tail » Sun Feb 09, 2020 8:26 am

It all started to affect me the first time we didnt have sex one night that we were together. The rejection set in and I started to question whether she is still into me or have feeling like that anymore.


i once felt bad cause the girl didnt return my text. it could be she was not in the mood to have sex with you. please dont break up because of this.

with me it was that i wanted the other person to look after me like they're my protector or guardian. now i realize the other person also wants some space.

but the nights I get rejected all the thoughts start to pile on and on.

it really could be that she is tired. also couples dont just have sex. they do other things as well. like talk about their issues, go on long walks/holidays together. sex is just a part of it and now the criteria to be with the other person. in fact compatibility is more important than sex, i think.

I do need more and maybe she isnt right for me. At the end of the day I realized all of this has worn her down and she doesnt feel good about herself and she is confused by me. It takes one little issue and I can bring up "everything" I am unahppy about her. I cant believe that I actually stopped looking at me for a solution.


with me i realize i was putting too much pressure on her to be my emotional support. maybe you also need to give space to each other.

This is a big and important piece of the puzzle so I am I am just looking for feeback, advice, encouragement.


i think its ok to feel rejected because one doesnt want to have sex but you must also feel accepted because of all the other stuff that the two of you do together. like hanging out, just being there with each other. i lost out on a friend because she wouldnt return my texts n later i realized but we were chatting so much on other times. so please dont let an impulsive decision break this relation.

btw- has anyone ever done Mentalization therapy? I am just reading on it and may sound like a good road to combat part of the "perceived vs reality" on what can drive my reactions?


nope.. havent done it.
exhausted
User avatar
jaus tail
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4289
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 5:35 am
Local time: Mon Nov 23, 2020 10:38 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 37 guests