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Why are people so bad at lifting others up?

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Why are people so bad at lifting others up?

Postby sickofbeinginvalid » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:17 pm

As someone who is very unsure of himself, I observe and watch other people and their attempt to lift and assure me and others. I feel like people in general are so bad at this and always end up making the situation worse... maybe I’m just oblivious and don’t understand but I always feel like people are terrible at changing someone’s perspective specially if they are in a bad way. For example whenever I complain about my issues to people their “go to” is to tell me to “think positively” but I never believed this was the right or correct approach. I honestly believe it’s just a half-assed attempt and way of pretty much saying “I don’t have time to listen to you or altruistically feel how you’re feeling so you are the problem and I think you just need to change your mindset”... am I alone in this? I always felt the correct way to help others was to listen and delve deeper into their feelings and show rather than tell them about themselves. I always highlight their good qualities and remain positive about them instead of aiming a light at their insecurities and telling them it’s their mind that is the problem. Obviously people have self esteem issues and need to take care of those but what in the ###$ good does it do to remind them of that? Everyone has things to work on but how is someone going to have the slightest motivation to get better if they aren’t being given those “strokes” to show them they do good and are in a good place? I just feel like no one ever gives me those “strokes”...
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Re: Why are people so bad at lifting others up?

Postby jaus tail » Sat Jan 25, 2020 1:55 pm

i've been told 'stop thinking, change your thoughts, dont go into past, think positive, your time has come now...'

i think people say that cause they dont know what else to say. n they dont want to say 'go to a therapist.' maybe they also dont like to say, 'i dont know how to help you.'

in their defense they arent experts so they wouldnt know what to say. its like when someone has a physical illness(fever, cough), we go to a doctor as our friends cant help.

likewise I dont think people generally know how to help the other person other than saying some quote.
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Re: Why are people so bad at lifting others up?

Postby Remember Ronni » Sat Jan 25, 2020 11:36 pm

The problem there though is why you think it's anyone else's job to take care of your feelings? And I am not being offensive or anything when I say that. But surely once you reach adulthood isnt it your job to take care of yourself? Because everyone else is busy doing just that. Their heads are probably just full of their own stuff. For lifting up services you probably need a therapist.
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Re: Why are people so bad at lifting others up?

Postby Skiebs » Sun Nov 01, 2020 5:25 pm

It's sad, but in this day in age you have to pay for a friend (Therapist)

Pay for someone to listen, because it's just that... Everyone is dealing with their own issues, and when the rubber hits the road people naturally are going to do WHATEVER it takes to take care of themseleves and their own security.. who could blame them? It's naturally put into us..

They dont know how to lift us up, and it's not there job too... as much as that hurts me even typing it. We are born self-centered and unless we practice selflessness, thats how it will always be. Change starts with US, all of US.

I hope maybe one day I can be that beacon of hope for others, and actually offer help and a ear to listen because I genuinely care about people.. (Although as a BPD, you're told otherwise.. but what do they know? They don't have it)

To thine own self be true... in everything... in the end thats what matters i think..
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Re: Why are people so bad at lifting others up?

Postby jaus tail » Thu Nov 05, 2020 8:16 am

the concepts are misleading. the kind of friends they show in tv sitcoms like friends etc are misleading.
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