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career story...

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career story...

Postby jaus tail » Sun Jan 19, 2020 4:58 pm

what's ur career story?

i was an engineer, then into writing job, then into engineering(quit one school masters germany) then teaching (quit that) then back to writing (wrote novel), then again engineering (did masters) and its exhausting...

its like i cant figure out what to do with my career...

what about you? how do u become stable/content with where you are?
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Re: career story...

Postby Remember Ronni » Mon Jan 20, 2020 8:01 pm

I qualified as a lawyer in my 20s and worked for 25 years as a lawyer dealing with family issues - child protection, domestic violence and divorce. Fun, fun ;)

If you were trying to slot me into a category with the BPD it would be high functioning quiet borderline. My Mum and my brother both suffer from mental health issues which I believe are BPD related. My parents marriage was ugly (words not anything like violence or drugs). I became an expert at dysfunctional families and very often found myself defending me or rather someone who had been hurt or abused by someone they cared about.

My therapist laughed when I told her what I did for a living. I reminded her that as someone with BPD I am an expert at broken relaationships

My mental health started to deterirate - a combination of a serious relationship that fell apart and a mother who likes to reject me spectacualrly just when I ever needed her. I continued to work but then my physical health went downhill too. And I just gave up. I can't see myself ever working again now. I have to say it's quite a relief not to have to listen to any more "he said, she said" stories. It was getting kind of old.

But that's my story, for what it's worth.....
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Re: career story...

Postby jaus tail » Tue Jan 21, 2020 1:09 pm

wow... 25 years. Hope i can manage a career that long. see, this is what i was talking about. i want to be able to look back and think 'yeah i did something with my career' instead of hobble from 1 field to another and have random degrees.
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Re: career story...

Postby Remember Ronni » Tue Jan 21, 2020 3:05 pm

The thing is.....if you do the same job for 25 years there comes a time when you've seen and done it all and it starts to get a bit old.

You have one life......maybe a bit of variety is a good thing. It stops it get stale or boring. And there's no rule that says you have to do the same thing for 25 years!!!

I think the trick is to get to the end without having too many big regrets. No one ever regretted not working harder or more ;)
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Re: career story...

Postby jaus tail » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:10 am

Dont get me wrong but people do regret not working harder. Its romantic to say I wish I were happier instead of working. But they don't have to be mutually exclusive. Maybe in dying moments people wish they had enjoyed more. Work provides financial assistance and comfort. Also a chance to make friends n grow.
But one doesnt have to work like a robot though.
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Re: career story...

Postby Remember Ronni » Wed Jan 22, 2020 10:09 pm

What I meant, or rather the author of that quote meant, was not you shouldn't work or enjoy what you do but regrets often involve losing out on other things because of that. Not spending more time with those you love doing the stuff you loved. Those are the things people regret. Read it in some book ironically about people who are dying and their thoughts on life. Stuff like working all hours rather than spending time with their kids.

At the end of the day though it's what's important to you. My career was important to me. I could never regret it. I would never have beleived I could be a lawyer! And I am proid of that. Even more so finding out, after I left, that I had BPD all that time. BPD doesn't have to be the thing that stops you. I suffered sexual abuse (outside the family) and, according to my therapists emotional abuse and neglect as a child. It didn't stop me acheiving what I wanted in life. And I helped a lot of people, some just like me, to turn their lives around. I could never regret that.

But my therapist was right, it's not an easy pick when you have BPD to contend with yourself. And all you ever see is dysfunctional families and broken relationships. It was probably not the best pick.

Whatever you do you take with you those skills and the knowledge and all that experience. Changing direction doesn't have to be a bad thing.
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Re: career story...

Postby jaus tail » Fri Jan 24, 2020 10:55 am

I had 3 great chances to turn my career n life around but I let them all go. Now at 30 I'm doing internship n its embarrassing. My senior at work is 5 years younger than me. So that's demotivating..
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Re: career story...

Postby Remember Ronni » Sun Jan 26, 2020 3:05 pm

You can't change the past so no point going over all the things you could have done when the fact is you didn't do any of them. So, you either do them now or you let it go and move on, which is what it sounds like you're doing. An internship is just a means to an end. Isn't it? I mean you're doing it to further your career in one direction or another and not just for the hell of it, surely. So, don't let it demotivate you....be the best intern they've ever had.....or whatever. Find some motivation, take everything you can from the experience and use it to move your career in the direction you want it to be going. It shouldn't matter how old anyone else is - unless you go work in an old folks home you are going to find that happens sometimes. This is about you and your life and you won't get far if you keep comparing yourself to everyone else.

When I left University I spent a year working as a nanny in New York. Had absolutely nothing to do with a legal career. I then went back to Law a couple of years later - I was older than all the other students, older than the interns etc. I was the only one offered a job at the end of the internship. And I was a lawyer for 25 years. Age never came into it. Until aged 53 perhaps, or almost. People are not so keen to take on 53 year old interns ;)
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