Who am I?

I have 2 sides. The one who I always wanted too be. A masculine, secure man, who people like and who dates alot. And I have the insecure me, the person who thinks he is no good in nothing and an all time loser. I feel more the latter then the first.

I doesn't matter how much I succeed in my own eyes in life, the insecure part of me always knows how to take over. I sometimes switch 3 times in a week, and the whole world will change with it. I think this is splitting? When I feel good and secure, people even approach me and talk to me, if not if I did it first. I get too date and make new friends. When the insecure takes over, all of a sudden I walk down the street and every look I get from someone feels like pure hatred towards me. I can't think of a reason why anyone would want too date me or hang out with me. In this stage I even avoid friends because I just can't find a reason why they would want too spend time with me, and I just avoid them so they can't reject me for who I am.
As a result I sit in my house for a few days. Call off work for being sick. These days feel like a mental and physical prison. I want to get in touch with people, I want too get out of the house. But whenever I do, I feel so rejected that I wished I stayed home.
I have absolutely no clue on what to do in those moments, and usually I just "sit it out", not knowing when it will stop.

What would you do if you where in that situation? It's awful and I'm stuck here again for 3 days now, even though I had a wonderful week where alot of great thing happened for me that week.

Who am I?

This reminds me of that game people play when they lack imagination.

You stick a piece of paper on your head with a dead celebrity's name on it and you have to guess who you are.

Its a $#%^ game if you don't know any dead celebrities.

@easyy I here u mate, I kinda average looking even get the the girls who like the challenge of a shy guy. But when I get triggered nothing but nothing seems anything but negatively black.
Splitting I believe is when u idéalisé something or someone and then suddenly think that they are the worst. I feel I'm guilty of doing that to the way I view my life, sou ds like you may have the same problem.