I have 2 sides. The one who I always wanted too be. A masculine, secure man, who people like and who dates alot. And I have the insecure me, the person who thinks he is no good in nothing and an all time loser. I feel more the latter then the first.
I doesn't matter how much I succeed in my own eyes in life, the insecure part of me always knows how to take over. I sometimes switch 3 times in a week, and the whole world will change with it. I think this is splitting? When I feel good and secure, people even approach me and talk to me, if not if I did it first. I get too date and make new friends. When the insecure takes over, all of a sudden I walk down the street and every look I get from someone feels like pure hatred towards me. I can't think of a reason why anyone would want too date me or hang out with me. In this stage I even avoid friends because I just can't find a reason why they would want too spend time with me, and I just avoid them so they can't reject me for who I am.
As a result I sit in my house for a few days. Call off work for being sick. These days feel like a mental and physical prison. I want to get in touch with people, I want too get out of the house. But whenever I do, I feel so rejected that I wished I stayed home.
I have absolutely no clue on what to do in those moments, and usually I just "sit it out", not knowing when it will stop.
What would you do if you where in that situation? It's awful and I'm stuck here again for 3 days now, even though I had a wonderful week where alot of great thing happened for me that week.