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Letting go of two ''friends''....conflicted

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Letting go of two ''friends''....conflicted

Postby lightwithin » Tue Nov 19, 2019 5:27 am

I'm feeling very sad & hopeless right now so I feel I should share my thoughts with you guys.

I moved to a new city 5 months ago to heal & start a new life. I took a huge risk & sold my condo in order to buy a house in the new city, which turned out to be a major financial mistake.

When I first arrived, I started to look for a real estate agent & found one who is also gay as well as vegan, same as me. Jenn was everything I look for in a partner that I haven't found & it was obvious the sexual attraction was mutual. She was flirty with me & invited me to local events, although due to my BPD issues I held back & didn't want to fully show my emotions. She ended up getting me involved in a bad real estate deal that resulted in me losing $1500, and she didn't even seem regretful about it. I backed out of the deal pissed but I decided to keep working with her & to give her another chance as she had other good realtor traits that I found useful.

She went out of town & her gay friend Cindy filled in for her by showing me a few homes. We became fast friends & Cindy told me that Jenn asked her if she wanted to take over & be my client, but Cindy said no. Basically, Jenn was trying to pawn me off on Cindy, even though she was showing feelings for me. I was hurt but decided to let it go. During this time we all 3 hung out twice & I could see they both had mutual attraction for each other just by the way they looked at each other, and the energy they exchanged which made me feel like a 3rd wheel. I confessed to Cindy that I was attracted to Jenn & she looked visibly sad, at that point I knew. Cindy is recently separated from her ex so that was probably the reason they didn't partner up in the past, and it seemed like she was also on the fence about pursuing Jenn.

Fast forward a few months of working with Jenn & our feelings intensified, although she gave me mixed messages. One day she invited me to her house & it seemed like we were finally going in the direction I was hoping for, but the next day I again terminated a house deal. House hunting gave me anxiety & I cancelled two properties I had accepted offers on as I just couldn't handle the stress & to this day something is pulling me back from buying. Due to my cancellations & unstable buying behaviors she told me she can't work with me anymore but that we're still friends. I was hurt & angry so I backed off, although we were still facebook friends. I also understood why she couldn't work with me so I let it go.

Suddenly Cindy had a change of heart & offered to be my real estate agent, then said Jenn will be involved too but not directly, more of a silent agent. After I heard this I assumed she offered to be my agent for the commission & to be able to work with Jenn, who she has feelings for. I reluctantly agreed then only after 2 weeks of working with her she gets mad at me for no valid reason & tells me to find another agent to work with. I didn't cancel any offers but apparently she liked a house that I didn't & was upset that I didn't listen to her, seemed her ego was involved. I backed off & we didn't talk for a few weeks then she reached out to me.

Shortly after this Cindy goes vegan all of a sudden & starts rsvp to events that Jenn was going too (on FB), and it was obvious to me her motivation for going vegan was she wanted to be with Jenn, as she knows Jenn prefers to date only vegans. As soon as Cindy announced her veganism on FB Jenn started liking all her posts & commenting as well, which she didn't do before. It seemed like Jenn had a sudden strong urge & desire for Cindy, which was mutual. I asked them both if they like each other & both said they're just friends, but their actions show a different story. I only care b/c I have strong feelings for Jenn.

I haven't seen nor heard from Jenn in weeks then she sends me an invite to a music event at her office, which I went to. I assumed she invited me after Cindy couldn't go & I was basically 2nd choice. When I arrived I asked her if Cindy was coming & she said no in a sad tone. I felt like sloppy seconds basically. During the music event she kept staring at me & smiling, and it appeared she still had attraction towards me but it really didn't matter as I feel she would chose Cindy over me.

After the event they both started up again rsvp to the same events & I heard they are hanging out. I don't hang out with Cindy anymore as she always cancels on me & it seems her priority is just hanging out w/ Jenn. I wouldn't consider either of them genuine friends & it's obvious they don't really care about our friendship.

I feel used & tossed to the side, again, which makes me want to cut ties with both of them. Neither of them has shown me loyalty & both had shown some shoddy behaviors when it came to being my realtor. I also feel like they are going to be in a relationship soon in which case I won't be hanging out with either of them.

Should I permanently walk away from both of them, unfriend them both on facebook & call it a day?
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Re: Letting go of two ''friends''....conflicted

Postby raininmybrain » Sun Dec 15, 2019 1:11 am

Hi there, I realize I don't know you at all but just from what I read it sounds like this is a toxic situation and it makes sense to let go of them, you're right to put the word friends in quotes because the relationships are a bit blurred here. It sounds like there's no boundaries between sex and finance, it seems make to make sense to just get a male real estate agent you won't be attracted to and separate that from your dating life. You might want to wait a while to date until you actually make friends with people in the city first so you have a foundation. I'm not sure why you hesitate to buy, but totally random...I recently did EFT and I found that I made much stronger, faster decisions after that, after tapping on the subject of allowing oneself to be successful. No clue if that's what you're going through but there must be something stopping you, and it would be helpful to find out what that is. It takes time to build a new life in a new city, but a couple years from now you won't even remember these people.
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