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*Trigger warning* Amber Portwood's leaked audio makes me sad

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*Trigger warning* Amber Portwood's leaked audio makes me sad

Postby raininmybrain » Thu Oct 10, 2019 8:16 am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SrPoNbNf_Q&t=407s (The actual audio is about 3 minutes in and is edited)

I don't know if any of you follow the show Teen Mom, but I listened just now to this recording of Amber Portwood and her boyfriend and baby and it's making me feel like a piece of $#%^.

I could relate so much to the way she berated him. I've been like that with my partner, and my other long-term partner years back, before. Of course I'd like to think I'm "better"... and I've never attacked anyone with a machete while they were holding a baby (the charges against her at the moment) (also I don't have kids anyway), but I've definitely been threatening and even once to the point where I said (in text) things along the lines of threatening to kill the other person. I have hit my partner on one occasion (when he was yelling at me, a rare occurance) and my previous partner once years ago (when he had slept with someone else), but I probably shouldn't try to justify that, just giving context.

I don't want to think it's okay since I'm a woman and I date men who can defend themselves. My partner I'm with now basically felt things had gotten pretty bad when I was in grad school and had one night where he wasn't sure if we'd stay together. Things have generally gotten much better (mostly good days), but the slapping him when he yelled at me occurred since then, when we were in another triggering situation for both of us (visiting his hometown).

I have done a lot of therapy and gotten rid of a lot of the other bpd symptoms but sometimes I understand why bpd has so much stigma, because intimacy can be triggering for people who suffered childhood neglect/abuse like me, and their partners suffer and then demonize all of us.

I want to keep working on being a good person, and I think people think of me as one generally, I've volunteered a lot and worked in social justice and truly am empathetic, but when I'm triggered in an intimate relationship, sometimes I feel like I can't completely control my temper and don't act empathetically.

Anyone have any thoughts on Amber? Anyone who can relate to that clip or her story?

Thanks for reading my late-night rant.
-Rain
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Re: *Trigger warning* Amber Portwood's leaked audio makes me sad

Postby raininmybrain » Thu Oct 10, 2019 8:59 am

p.s. - I actually found the full thing here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBG0OgLwars
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