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I feel so lost...

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I feel so lost...

Postby Lonlyheartsclub » Mon Oct 07, 2019 12:57 am

I am reaching out for help because I am losing hope. My girlfriend of 2 years is having a hard time and it’s taking a heavy toll on our relationship.

Some back story: She is several years younger than me and she pushed for the relationship. She has had a hard life. She was emotionally manipulated by a guy for years just before we met. She was also raped more than once. She has BPD, PTSD, anorexia, and is severely depressed. Earlier this year she was in the hospital for attempted suicide. She has been put on several medications none of which seem to help. She has a tendency to push me away when she needs help. She sometimes goes completely emotionally numb and she has asked me to let her die multiple times. She has told me I should find someone better and try’s to get me to leave her because she thinks she isn’t good enough. Before she went to the hospital she “broke up” with me and ended up sleeping with 2 other guys. She felt like she wanted to experience sec with other guys since I was her only real experience. It hurt, but I knew part of it was her trying to push me away. She said she regretted it after. But since she has been on this newest medication it has killed her libido. We don’t have sex ever anymore and that’s fine. I love her. But she says she doesn’t get turned on by me anymore but says she still loves me. It’s been over a month since we’ve had sex. She says she doesn’t want to have sex with me because she hates her body. And right now she says we “are on a break” she has made out with 2 guys since then and has said she regrets it. The last time she called me and said she was a horrible person because she convinces herself she wants to do it and regrets it after. She said she hated herself for hurting me. And now we come to the real thing that has been terrifying me. She has asked to be in an open relationship and says that maybe having sex with other guys will help bring her sex drive back. I’m against it for obvious reasons. I don’t think it will help her. She gets mad at me and says I don’t understand. She has asked me to let her die very recently. She has seen me cry at least twice in the past week because I’m so on edge and she said it made her feel nothing because she is numb. She says she thinks she still loves me but she doesn’t know what’s going on. She doesn’t know why she doesn’t want to have sex with me. She doesn’t know why she is numb and miserable. And I’m afraid if she sleeps with someone else and sees how much it hurts me and that it didn’t make her feel any better...that it will push her over the edge and she will kill herself. I love her. I can’t lose her. Her mom and I are both on edge. She has an appointment to get new meds but it’s been a fight to get her to see a therapist. She had several bad experiences with them and now won’t get the help she needs. I’m scared and confused and I don’t know what to do. Any opinions or ideas would be very much appreciated. I just feel so hurt and lost right now. Thank you for reading.
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Re: I feel so lost...

Postby raininmybrain » Sun Nov 10, 2019 12:43 am

I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but it seems clear to me from reading this you need to let the relationship go. It sounds like she is quite young, and not very experienced, and really needs to find herself and take care of all these various issues she has before she can be good for a monogamous relationship like you are looking for. It sucks, but I think letting go and examining why you were attracted to someone who had all these issues would be more helpful than trying to hold onto it when she's treating you in a way that's hurtful to you. Hugs.
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