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Is my father narcissistically abusive?

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Is my father narcissistically abusive?

Postby sickofbeinginvalid » Fri Apr 05, 2019 5:56 pm

Obviously I’m not here to ask you guys to diagnose my dad. I also would like to make it clear that when I say “narcissistically” I mean that as in a trait or pattern rather than saying he is in fact a narcissist. But I would also like some insight into this issue.

My father has never been physically abusive (unlike my mom) so it’s been a lot harder for me to tease out whether he is actually being abusive or not. However I have picked up on subtle and not so subtle ways he is. For example, I can tell that he does not like the fact that I am gay. He has proven this by having a complete lack of interest in talking about things related to my past relationships or even wanting to meet/know those who I have dated. He also overtly uses homophobic slurs in front of me and does not seem to give a $#%^ in the slightest how I feel about it. When I have confronted him in the past, he refuses to apologize but rather uses rationalizations as to why it’s not “homophobic” (which makes no sense... he either doesn’t know what homophobia is or doesn’t understand the full scope of it. Or maybe he just DOES NOT CARE???). He is also extremely racist, and it just so happens that I have dated Hispanic men and tend to have a preference for those outside of my race (however I’m open to anyone really)... and he has verbatim said “Don’t bring those Hispanic boyfriends of yours around my house I don’t want them to steal anything”. This statement confirms to me that he at least has a large hatred towards those who don’t fit his mold of being “good” or “superior”. My dad also frequently refers to himself as being “oden” or being a “god-like” figure who I should respect. He treats me as if I have no ######6 brain and that I should do everything he says because I’m “stupid” or because he knows best. He also frequently brings up things that have happened in my past and uses phrases like “For a smart kid you’re really stupid” or “You’re a retard” or his favorite “you’re as dumb as a stump”.

I feel like my dad feels he is owed something or as if he is entitled to me basically disregarding my own life to do things for him. Not to mention he was not there for me in the first 9 years of my life while I was being senselessly beaten by my mother. However he also says that I am ungrateful and the things he does for me he does not have to do and just because he is my parent it doesn’t matter and basically he believes I should kiss his ass and worship him for everything he does. Such as fighting with my mom in court and having to spend money... but if he would have been a good dad and been involved in my life in the beginning that would have never been an issue in the first place. He will also get mad if I have work sometimes because then I can’t help him do chores or do a task for him. He also never seems to be interested or concerned about my well being but then will all the sudden be concerned if I’m home or not if he needs something to be done. That also has got me wondering because he seems to only care if I am of use to him.

One time I was caught self-harming and he told me if I was going to “do that attention seeking bull $#%^” that I should actually just kill myself. He even ridiculed me and mocked me for it for 2 hours straight. He frequently embarrasses me in front of others, and when someone (like a coworker or his piece of $#%^ girlfriend) says something about me he does not defend me. In fact he throws me under the bus or tells me that I’m ungrateful or how I need to respect people older than me.

I have a lot of anger and resentment towards my dad especially for the things that happened when I was younger. He would frequently bring girlfriends around me and I would get attached to them as if they were a mother figure, but then he would break up with them after like a month and in comes another woman. He is also a misogynistic pig and the way he speaks of women is absolutely disgusting. He brags about the fact that he has slept with “over 800 women” and constantly talks about how desirable and charming he is to them. He has had many affairs and cheated on basically all of his girlfriends, and I always find out because of the fact that I made attachments to these women and they would tell me.

I just really have no connection to the man at all. He comes off as extremely cold and hateful. I feel like living with him (which I have no choice at the moment so please don’t tell me to move out unless you would like to pay my rent) is causing me to spiral more with my BPD and I feel like he takes advantage of the fact that I’m unstable in order to make himself look good or the “sane” one.
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Re: Is my father narcissistically abusive?

Postby RamadanSteve » Tue Apr 23, 2019 3:12 am

No offense but your dad kinda sounds like a douche bag. A lot of the stuff you said about your dad like with chorus and stuff remind of my own dad who I think has a lot of narcissistic tendencies but my dad is no where near as much of a douche as your dad seems to be. Sorry to hear that, that really sucks about his stupid homophobic, racist stuff. I never really "self harmed" but when I've expressed suicidal thoughts in my past my dad was totally dismissive in the same way yours was. He understands more now though and we get a long a little better, hopefully that happens in your situation.
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