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I’m a terrible person I should kill myself

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I’m a terrible person I should kill myself

Postby sickofbeinginvalid » Fri Mar 29, 2019 5:03 pm

I don’t deserve to live. I want to die everyday because I’m such a horrible person. I push everyone away on purpose because I’m just so sick of being disappointed and feeling abandoned. I say and do horrible things on purpose because I want to punish everyone around me for hurting me, but then I feel bad and then I want to kill myself. I’m such a terrible person, I just want to take a knife and *mod edit*. It doesnt help that no one on here ever responds to my posts. It makes me feel even more rejected. I think I’m just going to end my suffering and kill myself.
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Re: I’m a terrible person I should kill myself

Postby jaus tail » Sat Mar 30, 2019 7:01 pm

the self hate is crippling. at times i just want to disappear. not die, but disappear. like never be born. the self hate never goes. everything i do, i say or text, i self judge n i apologize like every week to someone.
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Re: I’m a terrible person I should kill myself

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Sun Mar 31, 2019 3:51 am

Been reading your posts. You have suffered. I am sorry that you suffer like this. I am sorry that you loathe yourself like this and wish to hurt yourself.
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Re: I’m a terrible person I should kill myself

Postby MarieClare185 » Sun Mar 31, 2019 3:53 pm

Hi
I'm sure you are not as terrible a person as you think. Everyone one of us - no one is excluded - has made mistakes. This is the truth every day is a chance to start your whole life over. I'm sure there are things in life you remember that made you happy at the time. Try to remember those things and incorporate them into your life again. No one is so terrible that they must die to pay for their mistakes and flaws. I can be assured that their are good aspects to your personality that maybe you are not giving enough credit too. I'm glad you posted to tell what is going on with you. Please don't do those things you want to do like hurt yourself. Try to remember one positive experience you've had in the last year or two and recreate good days for yourself. You are not a terrible person, every one of us has been terrible in some way at some time. Think of today as a chance to start over and if you don't feel great today, know that some day soon you'll have a positive day and live for all the positive days you could have yet. Life will get better you just have to be patient which I know is not easy. Please be good to yourself and thanks for posting you can pm me anytime if your feeling down. All the best to you and be kind to yourself,
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Re: I’m a terrible person I should kill myself

Postby Snaga » Mon Apr 01, 2019 5:02 pm

How're you feeling now?
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Tell someone you love them today, because Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, because Life is also terrifying and confusing.

ISFP

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
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Re: I’m a terrible person I should kill myself

Postby sickofbeinginvalid » Tue Apr 02, 2019 12:53 am

Hey everyone. Thank you for your replies and taking the time to try and help my broken self. I am at a point at the moment where I can respond a little bit more rationally. I still feel this emptiness in the pit of me. It’s unbearable. I want to go out and sleep with tons of guys, or get myself into trouble with shopping. It feels so lonely being this hallow on the inside, and even more lonely knowing most people do not feel this way especially the ones who I want close to me. I recently had a relationship go out the window due to a combination of me not having my $#%^ together, and the other party not knowing what they want and constantly saying they were “having doubts” after every fight we got in. That was a huge trigger for me, because it felt as though I was going to be abandoned. I ended up saying really cruel things to him such as “you’re a low life” “asshole” “piece of $#%^” “go ###$ yourself” and “ I HATE YOU!”. I feel awful about all of it, and I wish I could just have him back. But then I also go back to devaluing, because I feel like he is actually a piece of $#%^ for abandoning me. We had already broke up once before due to the same issue... he literally asked me to be his boyfriend after a week and told me he loved me first... but then said he was having doubts after one fight. I cannot trust people for this reason, because people always do this to me. They always leave.
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Re: I’m a terrible person I should kill myself

Postby jaus tail » Tue Apr 02, 2019 10:05 pm

the black n white thinking is very frustrating. i often (every day) miss my old friends n i idolize them n long for them to call me(i've deleted their number). but then the next moment i devalue them n start having anger towards them.

i say to myself that for my own sanity n even theirs its better if i do not contact them. but i still dream of moments like i'm walking down street n i have chance encounter with some friend or something like that.
the last birthday i was longing for some old friend to contact me, but sadly none came.

later i got one contact but then i didnt reply much as i started devaluing him or i wanted to show ego.

i dont even trust myself with what i'm saying at times.
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