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Me and BPD at age 43

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Me and BPD at age 43

Postby borderlineguy43 » Wed Feb 06, 2019 4:12 am

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post to this forum. I am a 43 year old man living with a few mental health disorders, namely Bipolar, OCD, PTSD and Borderline.

I was diagnosed when I first started getting treatment at the age of 32. I had been having the symptoms and had no idea what I was dealing with.

I heard that men with Borderline Personality Disorder was uncommon. I thought it would have gone away by now because of age, but it hasn't.

I have fear of abandonment
Have a hard time when someone leaves, like a therapist leaving, which is happening now.

Anger and rage, not all of the time

Irritability

I lie and make things up

I am usually a negative person

i self harm

Feelings of sadness and emptiness,

One extreme to the other

Doom and Gloom

Push and Pull people

Push people out of my life then feel that abandonment that I created

Hate my life

Suicidal Idealizations sometimes with plans and means

I do, I honestly want to end it

I just turned 43 and wonder how the hell did I make it this far

I hate my life so much

My psychiatrist and therapist say I have it

I'm angry, so angry. I hate my therapist as this will be the last time I see him

I don't want to live anymore

How do I escape this madness

Then the OCD PTSD and BIpolar

I can't deal anymore

I just can't escape

I can't be alone yet I am

I can't do it

I don't want to do it

I want to quit

HELP please :(
borderlineguy43
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Re: Me and BPD at age 43

Postby TonySG » Tue Feb 12, 2019 11:23 pm

Sorry to hear your story. I am 38 year old male with bdp and cptsd which I have suffered for aslong as I can remember. So I understand your struggle.

I think however I have found something that works for me and I'd like to share it with you. I have been trying to 'heal for the last 10 year but still seemed unable to find myself.

That was up until recently (Dec 18 to be exact) where I have been using somatic based therapies. These help you get in touch with your body, emotions and essentially your true self. I have seen huge growth in these last few months however I must warn you it is hardwork. You talk about your anger alot, these therapies can help you learn how to contain your anger and actually use it as fuel to live a better life and heal. Anger gets such a bad rap because it can be destructive but there is alot of value in it too if you can learn how to contain and use it (that doesn't mean suppress it). I would welcome you to look into Somatic therapies. I would recommend bioenergetics, Somatic experiencing and NARM.

Nothing has really worked for me except this. But like I said it can be hardwork. But if you want your life back bad enough I think it might help get you a step closer.

Good luck!
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